Living overseas, as an expat, usually means your children will be exposed to some magnificent wonders of the world. Not only will they be immersed in different cultures, witness unusual customs and fascinating traditions, they'll meet and learn about people from all walks of life. But moving isn't always smooth sailing. Just like us adults, it takes time to adjust and feel at ease with your new surroundings. Having moved from Hong Kong, to the middle of China and back to Sydney with our small person, here are a few handy tips when it comes to moving countries/cities with your children. Let’s face it, parenting is hard enough at the best of times….but when you add a new environment into the mix, a different language and culture, it can be tough to keep everyone on the happy bus! #TheRightTime In all reality, there's never a "right" time. Each age brings its own challenges. People will say it's much better to move them while they're still little. And while there are definitely positives for this as far as their ability to go with the flow and adapt more quickly, it doesn't mean they won't struggle. Of course, the younger a child is, the easier it is to learn a new language, if they're immersed. Older children can be more resistant to a move away, not wanting to leave friends and of course their education needs to be taken seriously. At the same time, being older means they'll potentially gain much more from the experience and remember it. Every child is unique and only you can help decide when you think it's a good time. Often you may not have a choice, so don't sweat it....each age has its pros and cons. #Farewell If it's possible, have a farewell party/get together that makes saying goodbye special and memorable. Experts say acknowledging what's about to happen, sadness and all, can help little ones start to process the move. Reassure them it’s perfectly ok (and normal) to miss someone, at the same time keep talking about the exciting things that are going to come with living in a new country. Don't over promise and under deliver. It’s important to 'close the chapter' properly. I was never more thankful for the teacher's quick thinking, when the last day of term was suddenly brought forward by an entire week, due to severe pollution in China and she sent someone out to buy a cake, to farewell Ava in style. It meant the world to her (and mum who was silently in meltdown mode). At the same, time be sure to let them know it’s not forever, it’s just "see you later!" Help them to keep in touch with their good friends. Thankfully, today, technology means they don’t have to seem a world away. Send voice messages on Whats App, or even have a Skype or FaceTime session. My little girl and her bestie in China recently skyped for an hour and a half and after some initial awkwardness, ended up playing together, like they were in the same room! Pack lots of memories. Photo books are a great idea for them to look back on and keep memories alive. Involve your children in the move as much as possible! #Routine As soon as you arrive in your new country, no matter how small it is, start a routine of some description. Even if it’s just breakfast and walking to the local shop. Even though it’s no doubt tough for you as a mum or dad trying to hold it all together and adjust to this new life, it’s vital to keep a close eye on your child’s needs. Together, try to learn as much about your new country as possible. The more you feel settled, the more likely your kids will too. Check out my post here: Through the Eyes of My Expat Child: Lessons Learned. Experts don’t recommend returning to the place you’ve come from too soon. Allow at least half a year before going back to help them transition more smoothly. #Prized Possessions Don’t pack all of these in the shipping, keep those things that are special to them around to make them more comfortable during this crucial phase. When Ava moved from Hong Kong to China, for about a year, she took a particular doll everywhere with her. It became a case of “Where’s Wally!” #School Options Depending on how permanent your move is, it may be easier to find a school with a similar curriculum to the one back home. If not, the International Baccalaureate (IB) system is taught in many countries, so it's a great option. If you can, act early so you can get into the school of your choice. Depending on the country, there can be huge waiting lists or specific zones you'll need to live in, to be accepted. Sometimes it’s difficult to know which school year they should be in in a foreign country. Get some advice early on, but if the outcome is different to what you envisaged, play it by ear, you can always change them later, if necessary. If you can choose a school that's not too far from your home, it certainly makes life easier, as far as getting to and from school and having their friends around for play dates and catch ups. Living in the hotel in China, meant we were a good 30 to 45 minutes drive from Ava's school, which definitely made things harder and sometimes isolating. #Be a Present Parent Try to be there when they first start their new school, before and after - to talk through the day and all of the new things they’re experiencing. If they are somewhere where the language is not familiar, help them with extra tutoring. Set up play dates with new friends, if they’re keen to have one. Don’t force the issue if they’re older and not interested yet. You can’t choose you children’s friends (as much as sometimes we’d like to). ;) Try to go to school assemblies and important events in those early days so your child sees a familiar face in the crowd. There will probably be days when your child doesn't want to go to his/her new school and is pining for their old world. Talk with their new teacher and let him or her know the situation, so they can keep an extra eye out for your small person. #Communicate If your child is struggling, (psychologists say it can feel like a death to a child who is separated from their friends and/or family) communication is critical. Acknowledge their feelings and listen to their frustrations. Create a stable network and help them feel understood, validated and loved. Culture shock is real, so navigate this new country together. If you're repatriating home, that can be just as unsettling, especially if your child hasn't lived in your home country before. Don't expect them to settle back in smoothly just because it's home for you. Everything around them will probably feel quite alien. Remember every child is different and will experience the transition with different coping abilities and strategies. Good luck, everything will fall into place, eventually. … [Read more...]
Through the Eyes of My Expat Child! Lessons Learned.
People keep saying to me, “Oh your little girl must be loving the normality of being back home in Australia.” I smile, nodding meekly, not wanting to seem ungrateful for this amazing life Down Under. Sure, she is loving all that being “home” has to offer. Who wouldn't! But then I politely interject with “But for her, this is not normal.” That piercing blue sky creating a vibrant rooftop above us, that’s seriously quite remarkable, but I've gotta be honest, all these bugs...they're really doing her head in...and she hasn't quite figured out how to cross the road, sensibly. My small person was born in the oriental kingdom of Hong Kong six years ago! Despite her Australian citizenship, blonde hair and blue eyes, she will proudly announce to all and sundry, she’s a Honky, through and through. Her preference for rice and dim sum is yet to be surpassed by pizza. Living the expat life meant that when she was just three and a half, with a mix of reluctance and anticipation, we upped stumps and left the glittering fragrant harbour of Hong Kong for more rugged (in every way) pastures in Xi’an, north west China. Wearing a mask for much of winter, even in the playground, the frenetic crowds that never seem to quiet, the neon signs brandishing bold Chinese characters that never seem to dim; the notorious traffic jams that have cars riding mere centimetres from one another… and the random strangers who hoist her up onto their shoulders in the street (without asking) for a prized photo...these are all things, to her, that until now, have been utterly normal. Not to mention, despite our best efforts, it's impossible to understand what most people are saying to you, much of the time. Living Down Under, in a westernised world, for her, is a first. So far, the continuous stream of fresh air and never ending carpet of green grass to roll in (without wondering what's in it), driving our own car from place to place wherever and whenever we may choose and strolling through the quaint neighbourhood to school… is all a joyous novelty. (As are the toy aisles in K Mart.) But what does it really mean to be an expat kid… or as they like to call you a Third Culture Kid? As with just about anything in life, there are pros and cons to growing up in a foreign country and as an expat parent you are constantly asking yourself if you're doing the right thing. Missing out on family back home is clearly the number one drawback… and is one of the major reasons, we are… 'back' after seven years abroad. Now we're here and have come through the initial teething stages, I asked my small person, what she thinks she’s learned living in these countries, now she’s had time to absorb the Aussie life. I think you’ll agree, her answers, though simple and unguarded are truly indicative of what it means to be an expat kid. HAVING FRIENDS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD When you’re an expat child, often you’ll go to an international school, rather than a local school. Obviously it depends on the country you’re living in but if their native language is not English, the language barrier at a local school can be difficult and the education system is often not what your child is used to, particularly in China where a local school for Ava would've meant around the clock tuition, seven, long, days a week. An international school will still have a mix of local kids - in our case, many who couldn't speak English - and then a handful of people from all corners of the world. Ava’s mix of friends spanned the globe from American to English, Canadian, Welsh, German, French, Korean, Irish, Italian and of course Chinese…and that was just the kids. Her expat teachers were also from all walks of life giving her their own taste of the world. Having few expats in Xi'an meant the pond from which to choose friends was small…but it meant Ava wasn't just friends with expat kids in her year but kids from every grade and you can bet, they always had each other's back. Thats not to say she wasn't friends with the locals too. When I asked Ava if it was difficult when they couldn't speak much English, she said (in her words) “While it was frustrating on both sides not being able to always talk to all your classmates, you could still play together, Mum!” Language is no barrier when you’re on the slide or doing arts and crafts, right? How do you communicate? Simple, “You just show them or use your hands,” she says. In Australia, Ava is still getting used to having such a wide circle of friends - and mostly they all look like her! Not to mention their mums look just like me! Say it isn’t so! And they’re not arriving at school on the back of a scooter or in a Tuk Tuk. CULTURAL AWARENESS When I asked her what she remembers most about her international school, apart from her friends of course… she says, “celebrating different traditions from all over the world.” From Halloween, to Chinese New Year, the Dragon Boat Festival, the Lantern Festival and Thanksgiving, she’s seen it all and understands that "everybody is different" and we all come from different backgrounds in this diverse land. LEARNING TO ADAPT Do kids adapt easily? I often hear people say children are resilient but sometimes I’m not convinced. I won’t sugar coat it, some days have been tough for Ava. Beneath the smiles and the giggles, there are tears as she gets used to a new life, a new school, a new teacher, new friends, new rules and a new routine. But as she says, when we first went to China, she would cover her ears, the incessant honking of car horns was so loud! Two years later, she barely noticed the noise. Driving to school was always a nightmare in the bumper to bumper traffic and walking into a new school was terrifying, let alone trying to navigate the zig zagging cars, just to get to the front gate. Now she can laugh about those times our driver dropped us at school and actually stuck his hand out like superman to stop the traffic so we could cross. What school zone? No one’s uninvitingly touching her hair and pushing little XiaoWu into her side for a picture, which in those early days had the potential to send Miss Three into a right tiz. By the time she left, while she perhaps never got used to it, she learned to accept it for the harmless curiosity it was. Does she miss the attention? Apparently that's a big, fat NO, mum, with a screwed up face! (And here I was thinking I could get use to the paparazzi.) Of course there's adapting and adopting! Regularly seeing other kids relieve themselves on the side of the road, doesn't mean she follows suit.. she still chuckles at the time(s) her and daddy saw a lady squatting on the toilet with her pants down. APPRECIATING THE LUCKY COUNTRY What’s different about being back? I ask. “Well mum we don’t get things done for us… no one brings our food or cleans our house.” Um, tell me something I don't know! "We don't have big heavenly hotel beds or a big balcony," she says (covered in desert dust, I might add) and now we have to learn to do things for ourselves. Ahhh. Yeh! We do, I say through gritted teeth. But how about not having to brush our teeth with bottled water anymore! Despite being privileged with all the pleasures of a hotel at our beck and call, Ava also realises not every country is the so called "lucky country". Life is more simple here, she says…”Mum you have more friends and they all have pets!” “And there are so many more trees, less pollution and people don’t throw their rubbish or spit!” We can go to a doctor whenever we need to and speak English to him or her and get medicine with relative ease. "Mummy doesn’t fly into a complete meltdown when I get a cold… and run around checking and re-checking medicine supplies." (Just in case.) “Driving our own car is exciting because there’s English music on the radio and I can learn the words….” But being in a car seat is still a little constricting. And much to her dismay, she still has to learn mandarin! ;-) "You can’t help where you’re born though," she says and perhaps that's a fact so many of us forget. … [Read more...]
All work and no play? What’s It Really Like For Chinese Kids?
"How did the interview go?" It's a question that peppers conversations daily across the island and beyond, here in The Kong. You probably think I'm talking about a job interview - for a grown-up right? Wrong! I'm talking about interviewing a two year old. Yes - a very small person who can barely communicate (verbally anyway). What’s the job? Well, it’s school! Pre-school even. To make the cut, you’ve got to pass with flying colours and kids that means no tantrum throwing or displaying even the tiniest hint of separation anxiety! Yep! Forget the days of choosing a school based on how close it is for the kids to walk and then popping into the classroom for a quick 'meet and greet' with little Johnny’s teacher. The fact is, in Hong Kong, demand for an education outweighs supply. Significantly. To read more, continue over here: … [Read more...]