Living overseas, as an expat, usually means your children will be exposed to some magnificent wonders of the world. Not only will they be immersed in different cultures, witness unusual customs and fascinating traditions, they'll meet and learn about people from all walks of life. But moving isn't always smooth sailing. Just like us adults, it takes time to adjust and feel at ease with your new surroundings. Having moved from Hong Kong, to the middle of China and back to Sydney with our small person, here are a few handy tips when it comes to moving countries/cities with your children. Let’s face it, parenting is hard enough at the best of times….but when you add a new environment into the mix, a different language and culture, it can be tough to keep everyone on the happy bus! #TheRightTime In all reality, there's never a "right" time. Each age brings its own challenges. People will say it's much better to move them while they're still little. And while there are definitely positives for this as far as their ability to go with the flow and adapt more quickly, it doesn't mean they won't struggle. Of course, the younger a child is, the easier it is to learn a new language, if they're immersed. Older children can be more resistant to a move away, not wanting to leave friends and of course their education needs to be taken seriously. At the same time, being older means they'll potentially gain much more from the experience and remember it. Every child is unique and only you can help decide when you think it's a good time. Often you may not have a choice, so don't sweat it....each age has its pros and cons. #Farewell If it's possible, have a farewell party/get together that makes saying goodbye special and memorable. Experts say acknowledging what's about to happen, sadness and all, can help little ones start to process the move. Reassure them it’s perfectly ok (and normal) to miss someone, at the same time keep talking about the exciting things that are going to come with living in a new country. Don't over promise and under deliver. It’s important to 'close the chapter' properly. I was never more thankful for the teacher's quick thinking, when the last day of term was suddenly brought forward by an entire week, due to severe pollution in China and she sent someone out to buy a cake, to farewell Ava in style. It meant the world to her (and mum who was silently in meltdown mode). At the same, time be sure to let them know it’s not forever, it’s just "see you later!" Help them to keep in touch with their good friends. Thankfully, today, technology means they don’t have to seem a world away. Send voice messages on Whats App, or even have a Skype or FaceTime session. My little girl and her bestie in China recently skyped for an hour and a half and after some initial awkwardness, ended up playing together, like they were in the same room! Pack lots of memories. Photo books are a great idea for them to look back on and keep memories alive. Involve your children in the move as much as possible! #Routine As soon as you arrive in your new country, no matter how small it is, start a routine of some description. Even if it’s just breakfast and walking to the local shop. Even though it’s no doubt tough for you as a mum or dad trying to hold it all together and adjust to this new life, it’s vital to keep a close eye on your child’s needs. Together, try to learn as much about your new country as possible. The more you feel settled, the more likely your kids will too. Check out my post here: Through the Eyes of My Expat Child: Lessons Learned. Experts don’t recommend returning to the place you’ve come from too soon. Allow at least half a year before going back to help them transition more smoothly. #Prized Possessions Don’t pack all of these in the shipping, keep those things that are special to them around to make them more comfortable during this crucial phase. When Ava moved from Hong Kong to China, for about a year, she took a particular doll everywhere with her. It became a case of “Where’s Wally!” #School Options Depending on how permanent your move is, it may be easier to find a school with a similar curriculum to the one back home. If not, the International Baccalaureate (IB) system is taught in many countries, so it's a great option. If you can, act early so you can get into the school of your choice. Depending on the country, there can be huge waiting lists or specific zones you'll need to live in, to be accepted. Sometimes it’s difficult to know which school year they should be in in a foreign country. Get some advice early on, but if the outcome is different to what you envisaged, play it by ear, you can always change them later, if necessary. If you can choose a school that's not too far from your home, it certainly makes life easier, as far as getting to and from school and having their friends around for play dates and catch ups. Living in the hotel in China, meant we were a good 30 to 45 minutes drive from Ava's school, which definitely made things harder and sometimes isolating. #Be a Present Parent Try to be there when they first start their new school, before and after - to talk through the day and all of the new things they’re experiencing. If they are somewhere where the language is not familiar, help them with extra tutoring. Set up play dates with new friends, if they’re keen to have one. Don’t force the issue if they’re older and not interested yet. You can’t choose you children’s friends (as much as sometimes we’d like to). ;) Try to go to school assemblies and important events in those early days so your child sees a familiar face in the crowd. There will probably be days when your child doesn't want to go to his/her new school and is pining for their old world. Talk with their new teacher and let him or her know the situation, so they can keep an extra eye out for your small person. #Communicate If your child is struggling, (psychologists say it can feel like a death to a child who is separated from their friends and/or family) communication is critical. Acknowledge their feelings and listen to their frustrations. Create a stable network and help them feel understood, validated and loved. Culture shock is real, so navigate this new country together. If you're repatriating home, that can be just as unsettling, especially if your child hasn't lived in your home country before. Don't expect them to settle back in smoothly just because it's home for you. Everything around them will probably feel quite alien. Remember every child is different and will experience the transition with different coping abilities and strategies. Good luck, everything will fall into place, eventually. … [Read more...]
Beyond the Five Star Gates, Poverty Knocks!
As we gear ourselves up to embark on our second expat gig; unlike last time, when we moved to Hong Kong - this time two have become three! Moving to China is not just about James' new job and mum's unbridled enthusiasm for adventure, it's also about the small person amongst us and what it means for her. Too small to understand the complexities of why we are moving to a different city, but big enough to know we must live away from family for the immediate future. Old enough to know daddy works in hotels, but too young to know not everyone can walk into a five star hotel and instantly have staff running to get you chocolate ice cream with sprinkles on top! There's no denying an expat life for kids is a lark! Travel, exotic experiences and more often than not, nannies at their beck and call. Throw in 5-Star shenanigans and it's plenty of poolside pampering, fancy food and hand-picked presents perfectly placed on your holiday 'heavenly' bed. This next gig will have us living IN the hotel...(not to mention in a city where blondies are looked upon with sheer wonder and amusement, especially pint-sized ones). So you can imagine, I am keen to make sure my little "Third Culture Kid" (yes that is a fair dinkum term) doesn't become too accustomed to the finer things in life at the click of her chubby fingers. (Of course, these rules need not apply to Mint Mocha-swilling mummies.) In all seriousness though, as we immerse ourselves into a life where untold luxury is at our fingertips - a life where groceries are supplied by the hotel chef, a driver takes us to our each and every destination and housekeepers keep our things in order, there's never been a more crucial time to remind ourselves that we must not become immune to the hardships of the world. A great reminder came just recently via my dad, who went to a work conference in Fiji. Just a short three hour flight from Australia, it was his first time to the neighbouring pacific island. After a few days in the popular tourist haven, he sent an email which sent goose bumps prickling all over my body....and was a stark reminder that in many, many countries right across the globe, usually not too far beyond the five star gates, lies a parallel universe, one that's more often than not steeped in poverty. This tiny paradise on Australia's doorstep, was no exception. In Fiji, 250,000 people live in poverty. Forget five star feasts, facials, foot massages and frolicking in paradise, beyond the palm fringed beaches, its back to the bare basics... and in these traditional island villages life is all about the three F's - family, farming and fishing. What my dad experienced reminded me very much of my trip to Kenya, Africa in 2007...perhaps it's why the story resonates so well with me. After volunteering at an orphanage in rural Kenya we travelled south to the Mombasa coast. A postcard-picture perfect beach was flanked with leisure laden pockets of paradise, while a stone's throw away, locals lived in mud homes without power. To me, this email captures a moment in time, delivering a poignant message that all too often gets lost in today's fast-paced, frenzied society, monopolized by modern day manipulations and the eternal quest for material possessions. He wrote: "Fiji has been a reality check. The poverty is in your face. There is a definite misconception about this pocket sized utopia. Sure, there are cheap air fares to this tropical paradise, but it's also very third world - local communities are craving for the bare basics. On Tuesday, 30 managers (including myself) embarked on a support mission to a very poverty stricken area, just one hour (in the bush) from our luxurious five star hotel. I was confronted with no electricity, poor housing and no roads….in a place where 900 houses exist…each with just two rooms, it was hot, dry and dusty . But what stood out immediately, above and beyond the realities of this shanty town were the big smiles! A complete reality check unravelled before me. In the morning I painted. In the afternoon, I mixed concrete. English was minimal and it was sign language between me and my Fijian workmate - who was maybe 30 - all the way. He used two fingers to indicate dry cement and seven fingers for gravel mix. On we went, all day, drying and mixing, a dynamic duo. "Keep up 'whitey' - shovel faster," he joked….it felt like we were part of the chain gang! This guy earns $2.05 an hour, but oh how happy he was. At the end of the day we washed up; exhausted he shook my hand. It was emotional. I go home soon - to a bed , a great family, a car. I travel. I enjoy at times much more than I need. I handed him 20 dollars…he says 'No boss!' I say, 'Go to the pub, have a beer…' This was more than a day's pay for him…but for me it was a truly humbling, once in a life time experience. I saw my granddaughters, three and two respectively - little Ava’s and Lillie's, everywhere. Another group of managers made bed bunks… You know these little guys, until they received the bunks, had never slept in a bed. I helped deliver a bed to a family at the end of the day. A little Lillie, the same age caught my eye…I went and chatted and I told her about my girls…she was shy…I kept chatting to her and at last...came a beaming smile! I said goodbye and trekked off back to the bus, air conditioned with soft seats… As we moved off, I looked out the window, here was the little girl with her sister (an Ava) waving, a big toothy smile. My goodness I will always remember that big smile. The stand out is this hotel, flushed with all the amenities you could ever ask for, yet just 20 minutes out, utter poverty…nothing except the bare necessities. But it's these people, who have nothing in life but each other, who showcase the very best in humanity." Thanks for the brief reminder Poppy. All too often, we get caught up with how much we don't have. How many of us are guilty of enjoying the finer things in life without giving much thought to those that go without, really go without? Whether it's a dinner out, a new outfit, or the ability to go on holidays and stay at a luxury hotel, it's all too easy to forget (or turn a blind eye to) the harsh realities might be lurking just around the corner! Next time you grumble or complain the water's not hot enough or your cheese platter is a little on the lean side.... remember not too far from your five star paradise there just might be a family grinning from ear to ear about a plate of dusty rice to share and a wooden bunk to clamber into. A life lesson I surely hope we can teach our Ava and Lillie. What about you? Do you have similar stories of your own? I'd love to hear. Leave me a comment! … [Read more...]