Living overseas, as an expat, usually means your children will be exposed to some magnificent wonders of the world. Not only will they be immersed in different cultures, witness unusual customs and fascinating traditions, they'll meet and learn about people from all walks of life. But moving isn't always smooth sailing. Just like us adults, it takes time to adjust and feel at ease with your new surroundings. Having moved from Hong Kong, to the middle of China and back to Sydney with our small person, here are a few handy tips when it comes to moving countries/cities with your children. Let’s face it, parenting is hard enough at the best of times….but when you add a new environment into the mix, a different language and culture, it can be tough to keep everyone on the happy bus! #TheRightTime In all reality, there's never a "right" time. Each age brings its own challenges. People will say it's much better to move them while they're still little. And while there are definitely positives for this as far as their ability to go with the flow and adapt more quickly, it doesn't mean they won't struggle. Of course, the younger a child is, the easier it is to learn a new language, if they're immersed. Older children can be more resistant to a move away, not wanting to leave friends and of course their education needs to be taken seriously. At the same time, being older means they'll potentially gain much more from the experience and remember it. Every child is unique and only you can help decide when you think it's a good time. Often you may not have a choice, so don't sweat it....each age has its pros and cons. #Farewell If it's possible, have a farewell party/get together that makes saying goodbye special and memorable. Experts say acknowledging what's about to happen, sadness and all, can help little ones start to process the move. Reassure them it’s perfectly ok (and normal) to miss someone, at the same time keep talking about the exciting things that are going to come with living in a new country. Don't over promise and under deliver. It’s important to 'close the chapter' properly. I was never more thankful for the teacher's quick thinking, when the last day of term was suddenly brought forward by an entire week, due to severe pollution in China and she sent someone out to buy a cake, to farewell Ava in style. It meant the world to her (and mum who was silently in meltdown mode). At the same, time be sure to let them know it’s not forever, it’s just "see you later!" Help them to keep in touch with their good friends. Thankfully, today, technology means they don’t have to seem a world away. Send voice messages on Whats App, or even have a Skype or FaceTime session. My little girl and her bestie in China recently skyped for an hour and a half and after some initial awkwardness, ended up playing together, like they were in the same room! Pack lots of memories. Photo books are a great idea for them to look back on and keep memories alive. Involve your children in the move as much as possible! #Routine As soon as you arrive in your new country, no matter how small it is, start a routine of some description. Even if it’s just breakfast and walking to the local shop. Even though it’s no doubt tough for you as a mum or dad trying to hold it all together and adjust to this new life, it’s vital to keep a close eye on your child’s needs. Together, try to learn as much about your new country as possible. The more you feel settled, the more likely your kids will too. Check out my post here: Through the Eyes of My Expat Child: Lessons Learned. Experts don’t recommend returning to the place you’ve come from too soon. Allow at least half a year before going back to help them transition more smoothly. #Prized Possessions Don’t pack all of these in the shipping, keep those things that are special to them around to make them more comfortable during this crucial phase. When Ava moved from Hong Kong to China, for about a year, she took a particular doll everywhere with her. It became a case of “Where’s Wally!” #School Options Depending on how permanent your move is, it may be easier to find a school with a similar curriculum to the one back home. If not, the International Baccalaureate (IB) system is taught in many countries, so it's a great option. If you can, act early so you can get into the school of your choice. Depending on the country, there can be huge waiting lists or specific zones you'll need to live in, to be accepted. Sometimes it’s difficult to know which school year they should be in in a foreign country. Get some advice early on, but if the outcome is different to what you envisaged, play it by ear, you can always change them later, if necessary. If you can choose a school that's not too far from your home, it certainly makes life easier, as far as getting to and from school and having their friends around for play dates and catch ups. Living in the hotel in China, meant we were a good 30 to 45 minutes drive from Ava's school, which definitely made things harder and sometimes isolating. #Be a Present Parent Try to be there when they first start their new school, before and after - to talk through the day and all of the new things they’re experiencing. If they are somewhere where the language is not familiar, help them with extra tutoring. Set up play dates with new friends, if they’re keen to have one. Don’t force the issue if they’re older and not interested yet. You can’t choose you children’s friends (as much as sometimes we’d like to). ;) Try to go to school assemblies and important events in those early days so your child sees a familiar face in the crowd. There will probably be days when your child doesn't want to go to his/her new school and is pining for their old world. Talk with their new teacher and let him or her know the situation, so they can keep an extra eye out for your small person. #Communicate If your child is struggling, (psychologists say it can feel like a death to a child who is separated from their friends and/or family) communication is critical. Acknowledge their feelings and listen to their frustrations. Create a stable network and help them feel understood, validated and loved. Culture shock is real, so navigate this new country together. If you're repatriating home, that can be just as unsettling, especially if your child hasn't lived in your home country before. Don't expect them to settle back in smoothly just because it's home for you. Everything around them will probably feel quite alien. Remember every child is different and will experience the transition with different coping abilities and strategies. Good luck, everything will fall into place, eventually. … [Read more...]
Living in China: Week One – One Foot in Front of the Other
You know the feeling when you visit a city you've never seen before? That dizzying anticipation, the unbridled excitement, the curiosity and wonder of what lies ahead? Well, can I just say - for the record - arriving in a city you've never seen before to live, is nothing like that! Ok, so maybe that's a little over the top. The lead up to moving to Xi'an, China was like that, but actually arriving in one of the world's oldest cities, home to eight and a half million people (the 12th largest city in China), I won't lie - my heart was in my mouth. It's a short two and a half hour flight from Hong Kong, but it also feels a world away in north western China. As we disembarked and entered the airport, my stomach was in knots, as I tried desperately to keep an open mind, at the ready to embrace our new home! I foolishly found myself comparing right off the bat. (Bad move!) The airport was significantly smaller than I'd expected for such a massive city and ever so slightly primitive (of course this is compared to Hong Kong's modern, state of the art, award-winning complex)! I later found out all entrants from Hong Kong, Macau and Taiwan (China's SARS) come to their own individual terminal, so what I glimpsed was just a minuscule part of the largest airport in the north west! I could feel myself ever so tentatively putting one foot in front of the other as I literally stepped into my new life, in one of China's 656 cities, no less! Driving from the airport was at best 'underwhelming' (apart from driving on the wrong side of the road) it was raining and grey as we sped through a maze of highways and concrete; a deluge of chinese characters beaming out at me in their neon, indecipherable glory! I'm not deeply religious but it was about now I silently had a word to God, hoping James wasn't having a moment of serious delusion when he'd excitedly told me the city was really "quite nice." Meantime, our little blondie Ava was oblivious in all her three year old naivety; her primary concern on the journey, the delightful hotel gift of rainbow-coloured macaroons and how many she could eat in one go! Oh to be so innocent. Approaching the hotel, my spirits lifted… despite the incessant rain, leafy green streets splayed out in front of me and there was a distinct buzz of activity with restaurants, bright lights and traffic mayhem! (We may be in Central China, but it was a comforting sign, I wasn't in the middle of no where, even if I was hanging on for dear life!) The hotel was impressive - it's four stories though, the 'chalk' to the W Hong Kong's 76 story 'cheese.' My grand entry somewhat stifled as Ava's prized macaroons promptly fell out of the car onto the wet hotel driveway and a toddler meltdown ensued. Welcome to Xi'an! We quickly dropped our bags off in what would be our home for the next few weeks (until the hotel residences are finished). A suite that can only be described as embracing the typical minimalist Westin decor brushed with an enchanting oriental flair! With James likely to be bunkered down in his new GM role the next day year, we went for a quick scoot around the hotel to acclimatize ourselves with our new 'home.' We probably could've done with scooters because it's ahem, bloody huge. Unlike Hong Kong, space is no issue here in Xi'an and it's spread out, from a luxurious Lobby Bar, to an intriguing museum (yes, Xi'an being one of the four oldest civilizations in the world means, monuments, relics and artifacts are scattered everywhere, even below this hotel!) - to a grand sunken garden swathed in red cloth. (It's lucky my favorite colour is red, because this hotel is literally bathed in a glow of deep red!) To the beckoning cake shop, the three very different restaurants, Chinese, Japanese and Western….and the (wait for it) Rolls Royce show room! (Ahem just quietly the owner has sold 70 of these babies in just two years! Oh how the Chinese looove their luxury!) So, let the week begin. I think I probably spent 24 hours in a 'blur of speechlessness.' It's fair to say the first week is probably the hardest when you move to a new country. I know I bandy about the term 'culture shock' on this blog on a pretty regular basis, but over four years in HK, even I had forgotten what it's really like. Really like to wake up and your husband is at work and you are staring out from your hotel window into the absolute unknown (rain not helping your imagination) it all seems quite surreal. This is your new life and you know not a single soul. There's no routine, no familiarity, you can't order a comforting Mint Mocha or get a blow dry because you can't find the relevant words and even when you do, they can't understand you. You don't even know what's across the road. It's a new beginning on almost every level. And I won't lie, it's bloody scary. Forget being a big fish in a small pond - you're a tadpole in a giant ocean! For the first few days and beyond, tears sit just below the surface, threatening to spill over at a moment's notice, but then you pull yourself together because you know it's not the end of the world and there is a big adventure that you have been waiting for, wanting for! All I can say, is thank God for technology, even if it is slow and more than slightly intermittent (and I may be on the verge of throwing laptop out the window), Facebook, What's App, Twitter, Email all allow you to stay connected (loosely) with friends, family and familiar faces. You'll be amazed at how comforting it is to know online, nothing has changed. (Thanks to a VPN of course.) What's a VPN? In layman's terms, it's a service you pay for monthly that allows you to download an app which makes it look like you are in another country so you can bypass security blocks and access the likes of Google, Facebook, even my own blog (all banned in China). So deep breaths all round, the key to being in a new city, is to get out! So once the rain calmed, first stop - the shopping centre directly across the road; a very westernized Starbucks with all staff speaking reasonably good English (no Mint Mochas though), a peek at the Giant Wild Goose Pagoda, you really can't miss. This is what this area's all about and it's what tourists from around the globe flock to look at. A roam around the streets, laced with green trees, striking monuments and waterfalls….it's a little European infused with traditional Chinese architecture. On the way back from another local shopping centre (thankfully sporting Zara and a kid's playroom worth it's weight in gold) I spy a street called 'Bar Street' that we eagerly try out a few nights later. A quirky cobblestoned street reminiscent of a Phuket or Bali or even Melbourne with cute, cottage like bars, side by side…live music, humming with people. A day in the heart of the city, we explore the city centre with the world famous Bell Tower and the ancient city wall - a 14 square kilometre cobble-stoned wall that you can cycle along on tandem bikes or do it the lazy way we did (this time) and jump on a golf buggy and hurtle around the historic fortress looking out across a sprawling city. **Quick Fact: It's the most complete city wall that's survived in China and the one of the largest ancient military defensive systems in the world! We stumble across quaint markets down idyllic lane ways not unlike a slice of Europe with fascinating artwork and oriental trinkets on display. So far, Xi'an is well and truly surprising us on every level….and slowly but surely it's about putting the pieces together. Working out which way is up. (Map reading is not my strong point!) You start to recognize the occasional landmark, hotel faces, and even more importantly remember a phrase or two of mandarin. Nevermind, that I told the housekeeper to come back to clean the room at 13 o'clock. Better luck next time eh? So a week in, it's been tough and more than likely to get tougher, but it's also the beginning of a once in a lifetime adventure, we'll certainly never forget. She chants the mantra, 'one foot in front of the other……' Proud to share this post over on Seychelle Mama's site for her series #MyExpatFamily … [Read more...]
12 reasons you know you’ve been EXPATIFIED in Hong Kong…
If there was a definition for EXPATIFY (which there's not) I'm pretty sure it would go something like this: Acceptance of the alien nature of an environment, development of new-found tolerances, greater objectivity and appropriate coping skills. Pretty much sums up the adjustment required when you become an expat don't you think? When you launch yourself into expat life -- for awhile, everything seems out of kilter. For me, stepping off the plane into the neon-lit metropolis of Hong Kong was akin to plunging head first into an ocean full of hungry sharks. I was frantically treading water, doing my very best not to get swallowed up. Everything in my new environment felt all-consuming, overwhelming and more than a little suffocating. I could literally taste the foreignness. Heart in my mouth, eyes wide like saucers, I struggled to soak in my new surroundings. The predominant and (for many) most memorable image - the rows upon rows of imposing skyscrapers that stand luminously guarding a city that's heaving with bodies. A city where the light never dims and everything and everyone operates in permanent overdrive. There's not a spare patch of land in sight - roads are packed with vivid red taxis jostling for position, while on the water, ferries zip in and out, past the Junks, weaving through the hundreds of container ships, docked briefly in one of the busiest ports in the world. Overhead, a constant buzz of helicopters criss-cross through a concrete jungle. A fragrant harbour loaded with its distinctive smells, in every direction it's sensory overload. To read more, continue over to Expat Focus>>> … [Read more...]
Do all roads lead to China?
When you're living the 'enviable' expat life, it is for the most part, just that. But looming amongst the five star shindigs, endless shopping extravaganzas and cultural enlightenment is the little unavoidable fact: you never quite know when it's all going to end; when the phone's going to ring with the next 'tour of duty'. Last week, we got one of those calls… We'd been half-expecting it (if there is such a thing as half?) let's just say it wasn't a complete shock to the system. I didn't run around the house yelling "We've been punked!" but to be honest, my heart did a triple somersault with a twist and leapt right out of my chest. We've had many conversations about the next step. When we'll be ready, where we think we'd like to go, where we think we'll get to go. (For the record, the planets rarely align when it comes to the answers.) This wasn't a 'do or die' battle, we could say no and (hopefully) live to tell the tale, but when it's all said and done, we like to think of ourselves as brave soldiers always up for a new adventure. (I'm sure soldiers don't call their missions 'adventures') but you get the picture? "Bring. It. On!" we chanted with all the nervous enthusiasm we could possibly muster. Click here to continue over at Expat Focus>> to find out just how this proposed move to China's furnace went down! Let's just say, we learned a lot! … [Read more...]
Living the dream….Expat Life
My latest piece as a columnist for Expat Focus Sawadika! Checking in from the land of smiley, happy faces…. One of the undeniably pleasant perks of being an expat in Asia, coupled with having a husband in hotels, is the opportunity to fly to idyllic destinations like Phuket in just a few short hours and revel in 5-star luxury. I get it… I'm lucky! Very! I will even go so far as to use the word 'spoilt,' as I sit here trying (in a lazy, half-hearted kind of way) to wrestle my sleepy gaze from our villa's private plunge pool that is beckoning me to immerse myself in its crystal clear oasis. Yep!… livin' the dream! To read more....click here and go to Expat Focus … [Read more...]