Chao's Column What's trending on Social Media When you get asked to be a bridesmaid in China you know you’re going to be under pressure! Sure, there are fun parts, mostly the door games - the bridesmaids play a fun game with the groom and groomsmen before he's allowed into the bride’s room. It's called called “Du Men” (door blocking) and originated in ancient China times when brides were sent away to live with the husband's family. The idea is, it demonstrates how lovely the bride is and that her family and friends don't want to marry her off! The groom is blocked at the bride's bedroom door and her friends try to stop him from entering by asking questions and playing games -- a way to test if he is determined to marry the woman he loves. This good-natured fun part is possibly the highlight of the day for the bridesmaid (and the most rewarding)! ;-) The groom normally tries to 'buy his way in' by giving “Hong Bao" (lucky red envelopes with money inside) to the bridesmaids. I've been a bridesmaid once and the bride banned any kind of ‘Naohun’ which literally means “disturbing a marriage”- a longstanding practice since the days of the Han Dynasty. My five year old brother, however was sent to roll around on the newlywed's bed! Young boys bring good luck! Of course being a bridesmaid isn't all doom and gloom. There’s witnessing a beautiful day and watching your best friend tie the knot with her loved one! But there's also a sinister side to playing the role of bridesmaid. It usually involves drinking and often, getting drunk on the bride’s behalf. To remain beautiful on her most special day, the bride isn’t supposed to drink much at her wedding, yet it’s customary for the newlyweds to toast every single table of guests, more often than not with shots of Baijiu (if you don’t know about the famous Chinese liquor, check out MMM’s post China's Genie in a Bottle). It's hardcore! Thus, the bridesmaid has the task of drinking the bride’s share, not to mention putting up with the pressure of the traditional flirting that goes with the job and sometimes inappropriate physical contact! Just last month, a 28-year-old bridesmaid died after she was pressured by men at her table to drink excessive amounts of Baijiu. Video emerged on the net of her in a black bridesmaid’s dress binge drinking the potent liquor during her friend’s wedding, while men’s teasing echoed in the background. It stirred up a frenzy of anger amongst Weibo users (China’s version of Twitter). Enraged netizens were up in arms, particularly at video circulating of the unconscious woman being pushed in a hotel trolley, who was confirmed dead soon after arriving at the hospital. Earlier this year, a Chinese TV host and actress was shown being harassed while she was a bridesmaid at her celeb friend’s wedding. A video showed her being grabbed by the arms and legs by celebrity groomsmen, trying to throw her into the pool, ignoring her desperate pleas for them to stop. Her fellow bridesmaids had to come to her rescue. The victim later posted a video on Weibo apologizing to the groom and his new wife (her good friends) for “creating confusion for him” which made internet users even more upset. There's no doubt millions of bridesmaids get tipsy at weddings the world over, but there's concern for China’s bridal party customs that still seem steeped in ancient tradition. For thousands of years society has deemed that rich families provide young, single maids as part of the bride’s dowry. If the wife was unable to conceive after the marriage, she could preserve her position in the family by getting her maid to bear children on her behalf. Known as a "Concubine" she was supposed to be loyal to the man’s wife and not compete with her for attention or threaten her position. During years of development and through absorbing western weddings, things have obviously changed. Different cities in china have different rituals surrounding the big day, but still, in general, part of the protective function that bridesmaids used to have, remains. Bridesmaids in China are not supposed to be married/divorced or pregnant, and ideally shouldn’t have served as a bridesmaid too many times (this can be a bad luck for her). So “27 Dresses” it won’t be! The physical beauty and number of bridesmaids in a wedding party are often seen as a sign of power and “face” for the families involved in the marriage. But now, the increasing number of scandals breaking on the net about the pressure bridesmaids face and its negative reputation have scared brides away from choosing close friends or relatives to stand by their side on the big day. As a result, business in China is booming for professional bridesmaids! Tough and experienced at handling unwanted embarrassments, and at an affordable price (around US$100) - as surreal as it sounds, it can solve many wedding day problems! Simply look online and hire your own flower-carrying, baijiu-swilling, beautiful bridesmaid! Who cares if on the biggest day of your life, your bridesmaids are ‘fake’ friends. After all, this is China. For more on Chinese weddings... check out these MMM posts: Grab Your Hong Bao: You're Invited to a Wedding in China Wedding Crashers in China … [Read more...]
Life in a Chinese City – What’s it Really Like?
China! It's the country on everybody's lips. The topical talking point on the global table. But aside from being home to the world's biggest economy, what is it really like living in one of the 654 cities, outside of Beijing or Shanghai? Ask anyone who's lived in the megalopolis that is China and they'll tell you (surprisingly) that every city is different, really different. Xi'an is commonly known as a second-tier city. Even though around 200 Chinese cities have more than one million people, the only first-tier cities are Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou and Shenzhen - largely due to their size, economic development, infrastructure and cultural significance. I've only been here four months, but what I've witnessed so far (as a foreigner) is a city with a fascinating fusion of sheltered innocence and simplicity perched on the edge of aggressive progression. For me, it's both intriguingly exciting and at times, scarily confronting....(if not a little mind boggling and mind blowing)! It may be 2015, but here in Xi'an, North West China, people are still smoking like it's 1975. In what is most likely a win for smokers (but perhaps not for the rest of the population), smoking inside is still a perfectly normal pastime, even though it was banned a few years ago. Bars, lobbies, restaurants and often toilets are peppered with people inhaling and exhaling with vigor. I've even seen a bus driver lighting up on the school run. There are no road rules. Crash helmets are not critical, in fact they are not even considered… and the more bodies squeezed onto the back of a bike, the merrier. Traffic for the most part is manic and let's just say you could be forgiven for thinking some driver's licenses were retrieved in the bottom of a cereal box. For more on this read School Run in China. Kids, forget about singing to the tune of "Let it Go" - the temperatures might be on the chilly side up north but it's not cold enough in town for 'Frozen,' yet. You won't find Peppa Pig jumping in muddy puddles or the latest episode of Disney movie, Planes buzzing through the cinemas. Super heroes like Batman and Spiderman are not required here. Barbie is still queen of the toy kingdom and Mickey and Minnie are still prince and princess of Disney. Even old faithful, Winnie the Pooh is met with a puzzled look from locals. Roller blades reign supreme….kites are a fashionable mode of fun for kids and the good old Rubick's Cube is making a popular comeback…or perhaps it's yet to be solved in this part of the world. Forget about leaving a message on somebody's mobile phone, voice mail simply doesn't exist. Receive a missed call and the etiquette is you'll call right back - ASAP. The mobile app What's App doesn't get a mention up here, but We Chat is where it's at. A cross between Facebook and What's App everyone and anyone is on this app. Facebook, Twitter and Google are banned but Weibo and Baidu take their place. Internet is patchy and compared to the western world, notoriously slow, but the only people you'll find complaining are the pesky foreigners! You won't see people glued to their phone on the streets (just as well because cars are driven on the footpath, so it's important to keep your wits about you)! You will find Samsung's US$7 billion semiconductor plant on the city's outskirts (the single biggest inbound investment on the mainland) along with one of the largest aviation industry manufacturers in China; not to mention 50-plus universities. When it comes to being ill and calling for a doctor, forget about a course of antibiotics by mouth, here the no frills hospital "injection" is the drug of choice. That said there are pharmacies dedicated solely to medication. Rows upon rows, boxes upon boxes bearing Chinese labels are yours for the taking, including antibiotics sans prescription. On the other hand, finding good old fashioned Vicks, Panadol and cold & flu tablets is a task in itself. Got a stomach bug? Rehydration drinks are yet to be flavored. Hydralite who? Retail shops and giant shopping malls are definitely in abundance - but just because almost everything is "made in China" doesn't mean it's here on the shelves. I wrote this post on that! It's back to the basics when it comes to stocking up on cosmetics and toiletries in supermarkets. Dental hygiene is clearly priority, with rows and rows (and rows) of toothpaste and toothbrushes up for grabs; along with a plethora of shampoos and soap! Forget about anything more advanced in the beauty department. Hairspray (at least more than one or two brands), hair product, face wipes and makeup brands are still minimal. Exposure to the western world is coming, slowly but surely - with some global brands like Starbucks, McDonalds (as recently as five years ago), KFC, Haagen Dazs and designer clothing stores like Gucci, Hugo Boss and those famous high street stores H & M and Zara making themselves heard, but for the most part, Xi'an is still a city in 'big brand' lockdown… With counterfeit culprits on every corner, every cashier you meet will scan your notes through a machine to ensure it's the genuine thing! When it comes to using credit cards, most places will only take Chinese credit cards. The local fare in Xi'an, is generally a mixture of the spicy, meaty and a little greasy. Shaanxi noodles are a hot favorite and every Chinese meal inevitably ends with a big bowl of these thick noodles, (of which it is considered highly rude not to finish). The province's famous Han Bao Bao is a tasty version of the western hamburger using a pita bread type bun to sandwich a pork filling. Pigs brain, lungs, ear; lamb's stomach, sheep's blood (need I go on)...is all perfectly normal fodder for a dinner date. Let's just say nothing is off limits or left to the imagination. Western staples like cheese, bread, butter, chocolate (yes, I call this a staple), pasta, sauces, herbs etc are available (through stealth investigation) but don't expect to get more than one or possibly two brands to make your selection from. When it comes to alcohol around here, it's all about Baijiu. This is China's infamous 60 per cent proof liquid you could be forgiven for thinking was the elixir of youth or the toast of the town! It's been brewed for thousands of years and even today at every business or formal gathering, guests must individually toast the host with a shot of Baijiu… and the host must return the favour with everyone (which can make for a very tipsy host indeed - just ask my husband). More on that here! Taste buds are evolving with red wine or "Hongjiu" starting to make its presence felt, but tradition dies hard, locals still preferring to scull it in small shot glass sizes over lunch or dinner. Outside of five star establishments, here in Xi'an, white wine is still to make a name for itself and (much to my disappointment) not to be found on too many beverage lists. In this nation of tea lovers, coffee has only recently come into play and quirky "cafes" are springing up around the city bearing menus with Mocha, Cappuccinos and Lattes, but by and large don't expect low fat milk, that stuff is for the faint hearted. It's full cream or go home. Recycling is yet to make a name for itself, in fact it's non existent. The pollution can be every bit as bad as you hear and masks are as much of an accessory as a hat and gloves. You can see it, smell it and taste it. Alternatively (and strangely) it can disappear as quickly as you can click your fingers, making way for crystal clear blue skies and sparkly sunshine. Despite a burgeoning population of 8.5 million people, Xi'an is a city where daily life still remains relatively simple. A city where the past and present is rapidly colliding, creating a culture that shyly teeters on the edge of change. One foot in, one foot out - it's tradition versus modernity with every step. This is life in an ancient Chinese city. … [Read more...]
Lai See: Lucky Money or Tradition Gone Mad?
So, to tell you the truth, I'll be quite glad when this "official" Lunar New Year period is over. Otherwise known as Chinese New Year or the Spring Festival - it runs for 15 days! Yes…15 long days and for locals, Lai See is a crucial part of the age-old tradition, giving the phrase 'throwing money at people' new meaning. Now I'm not one to be a party pooper - I love a good shindig and never shy away from some festive cheer but jeez louise….as a 'Guailo' (white person) in an Asian country, this whole Lai See thing is kind of doing my head in. These small red and gold envelopes are ever present, sneaking their way into every nook and cranny of festival life, determined to be the stars of the party. They hang from blossom trees in every lobby and shopping centre, and they poke out of people's handbags and coat pockets, perkily reminding you of your Lai See duty. In all honesty, I'm still a little confused exactly what my Lai See 'duty' consists of - which is probably why the whole process gets me slightly hot under the collar. It's actually my first proper experience with Chinese New Year - the first year I've been 'present' in Hong Kong. During our maiden year here, I was giving birth and well, you can appreciate, I was otherwise engaged. The next two Lunar New Years, I was off galavanting home, oblivious to the actual responsibilities that come with celebrating this auspicious holiday. This year I knew it was coming and I thought I was ready, but I was quickly informed, my idea of popping to the ATM to get a few bank notes and shoving them in their red and gold packets, was not going to cut it. You see they need to be new notes, crisp, ironed-flat bank notes, fresh from the money-making machine (wherever that may be)… can you imagine the queues? My 'she'll be right' attitude was met with some firm shaking of the head. Cannot La! Really? New? Yes, really! The custom is said to show the 'giver' was thinking about the Lai See 'receiver' - used notes indicate they were forgotten about! Hmmm.... Thankfully, in my last minute panic, my husband offered me some of his Lai See… he has no choice but to be well prepared for this occasion. For at least the first four days he can expect to be confronted by every man and his dog. By that, I mean all of his staff members, who as his employees, are each entitled to a lucky Lai See packet. (Over the four day holiday period, he'll give out no less than HK$7000!!) His Lai See, I note, are elegant and rather chic looking, not your average 'Joe Blogs' packet. Traditionally they are red and gold which symbolizes good luck and prosperity, as well as warding off evil spirits. These days, I'm informed, Lai See packets have become somewhat of a status symbol. Corporate companies have their own Lai See envelopes designed (in what I'm told is a rather expensive process) and hand these out to clients, well before CNY! Branding at its best right? You'll even see Mickey Mouse and Hello Kitty style envelopes up for grabs these days! So, over the last four days, every time we leave the house, I've been working up a cold sweat, giving myself heart palpitations as I scramble to get my 'Lai See load' in order. You see, it's important first and foremost, to have enough Lai See. They need to be given to the concierge, doormen, cleaning ladies and security guards…basically anyone who is of service to you. A trip to the supermarket or gym is also liable to be fraught with Lai See lurkers. The problem, I discovered on my first CNY exit, is - while I was counting on the usual concierge lady, a doorman and a security guard or two, I wasn't prepared for being mobbed by the paparazzi. (If only all they wanted was a picture!) Give one Lai See packet and I quickly found out these people can smell you from a mile away. Staff materialise from out of the wood works in all their Kung Hei Fat Choi-ing glory. (Simply saying this phrase (Happy New Year) is akin to asking for your lucky money.) To give to one and not to another, well that's just not done. So with that in mind, I quickly learned you can disperse with a dozen envelopes in one fell swoop. Meantime, don't think you can just carelessly toss the packet ever so casually into their hands or on the desk as you strut on by, no - you're supposed to hand them over with two hands, bowing at the recipient as you do and of course chanting the obligatory Kung Hei Fat Choi….in return. I'm uncoordinated at the best of times, so with a Dora backpack hooked over my shoulder, a handbag slung over my arm and a couple of winter coats tucked underneath, I'm finding it all a little difficult to carry out this process with any degree of 'aplomb.' Oh and just to throw a spanner in the works, I was told today I should be saying something back to the person along the likes of having a 'healthy and happy' life. (But make sure you put some thought into it for each individual, ok la?!) A lot to remember for someone just trying to get out the front door isn't it? And there are of course different amounts to be given out, usually giving a little more to those who've really helped you out during the course of the year (particularly if you want to shore up good service for the year ahead I'm told). Oh the pressure. For the most part it's a single $10, $20 or $50 notes…. always ending in an even number and never $40 - must not forget - the number four sounds like death in Chinese. Trying to remember which coloured envelopes have what money is also a little tricky when you're being 'papped' and need to act quickly. My lack of a 'system' failed me miserably. My other problem after a few days of taking part in this practice - is I can't remember who I've given Lai See to…. and even if James has already handed out packets on behalf of 'us' - technically if you want to present as a loving, united couple - as opposed to separated, you need to give one each! He took Ava to the traditional Lion Dance at work today and with it being customary to give all children Lai See, she certainly banked a few of her own lucky fortunes. Its even considered customary to feed the dancing lions Lai See in their mouths if you really want to ensure a stream of good luck in the coming year. Over the course of the weekend we met up with a few friends to celebrate. Of course I forgot to take Lai See for the young children of these friends!! Luckily James had slipped a few surplus packets in his pocket. Meantime, Ava had me hiding under the table in horror as she hastily ripped open all her packets, revealing her takings to all and sundry - a ritual not to be done in public out of courtesy I'm told! My friends laughed at me as I cringed with embarrassment -- even more at realizing I hadn't given enough in return. Today, a little short on Lai See, I thought I'd sneak out underground, avoiding too many Kung Hei's on the way through the gates, but alas, I was unable to escape unscathed from the Lai See lurkers, chased down in the car park by the ever so friendly cleaners who appeared from nowhere like those grinning rabbits out of a hat, with their big toothy smiles and lots of "Gong Shi Gong Shi" (Best Wishes). Amazing how friendly people get around this time of the year. Ahhhh god love them….if I was them, I'd probably be milking this age-old tradition for all it's worth too. Ancient Chinese folklore claims it brings good luck for both givers and receivers, so hopefully for their sake and mine, next year I'll aim to be better prepared…..complete with fail-safe Lai See 'system' at the ready!! *By the way, a new study shows in today's digital age, more people prefer to receive their Lai See by internet transfer. Maybe I might have better luck with that? … [Read more...]
Moonlit Reflections….
“The moon, like you, is far away from me, but it’s our sole memento: if you look and recall our past through it, we can be one mind.” Saigo, Awesome Nightfall After a fantastic four-day 'moon gazing' holiday, I was keen to share the hallmarks of this annual chinese tradition that appeared to permeate a sense of joy and serenity through the usually hard-at-work, frenzied metropolis of Hong Kong. Sadly though, as the Mid-Autumn Festival (otherwise known as the Moon Festival or Chinese Lantern Festival) was coming to a close, tragedy struck right on our doorstep. As they did last year and the year before that… locals and expats gathered along harbour foreshores; in very tall buildings and on boats of all shapes and sizes - to watch the ever-popular fireworks display that also celebrates National Day - the founding of the People's Republic of China. Baby girl in bed, just as we did last year, we gathered in our bedroom to peek out the back window for the 15 minute showdown (if you perch on your toes you can see 'most' of the spectacle in all its glory.) Little did we know just half an hour earlier, two boats had collided further downstream and mayhem was unfolding on Hong Kong's waters. … [Read more...]