Chao's Column What's trending on Social Media When you get asked to be a bridesmaid in China you know you’re going to be under pressure! Sure, there are fun parts, mostly the door games - the bridesmaids play a fun game with the groom and groomsmen before he's allowed into the bride’s room. It's called called “Du Men” (door blocking) and originated in ancient China times when brides were sent away to live with the husband's family. The idea is, it demonstrates how lovely the bride is and that her family and friends don't want to marry her off! The groom is blocked at the bride's bedroom door and her friends try to stop him from entering by asking questions and playing games -- a way to test if he is determined to marry the woman he loves. This good-natured fun part is possibly the highlight of the day for the bridesmaid (and the most rewarding)! ;-) The groom normally tries to 'buy his way in' by giving “Hong Bao" (lucky red envelopes with money inside) to the bridesmaids. I've been a bridesmaid once and the bride banned any kind of ‘Naohun’ which literally means “disturbing a marriage”- a longstanding practice since the days of the Han Dynasty. My five year old brother, however was sent to roll around on the newlywed's bed! Young boys bring good luck! Of course being a bridesmaid isn't all doom and gloom. There’s witnessing a beautiful day and watching your best friend tie the knot with her loved one! But there's also a sinister side to playing the role of bridesmaid. It usually involves drinking and often, getting drunk on the bride’s behalf. To remain beautiful on her most special day, the bride isn’t supposed to drink much at her wedding, yet it’s customary for the newlyweds to toast every single table of guests, more often than not with shots of Baijiu (if you don’t know about the famous Chinese liquor, check out MMM’s post China's Genie in a Bottle). It's hardcore! Thus, the bridesmaid has the task of drinking the bride’s share, not to mention putting up with the pressure of the traditional flirting that goes with the job and sometimes inappropriate physical contact! Just last month, a 28-year-old bridesmaid died after she was pressured by men at her table to drink excessive amounts of Baijiu. Video emerged on the net of her in a black bridesmaid’s dress binge drinking the potent liquor during her friend’s wedding, while men’s teasing echoed in the background. It stirred up a frenzy of anger amongst Weibo users (China’s version of Twitter). Enraged netizens were up in arms, particularly at video circulating of the unconscious woman being pushed in a hotel trolley, who was confirmed dead soon after arriving at the hospital. Earlier this year, a Chinese TV host and actress was shown being harassed while she was a bridesmaid at her celeb friend’s wedding. A video showed her being grabbed by the arms and legs by celebrity groomsmen, trying to throw her into the pool, ignoring her desperate pleas for them to stop. Her fellow bridesmaids had to come to her rescue. The victim later posted a video on Weibo apologizing to the groom and his new wife (her good friends) for “creating confusion for him” which made internet users even more upset. There's no doubt millions of bridesmaids get tipsy at weddings the world over, but there's concern for China’s bridal party customs that still seem steeped in ancient tradition. For thousands of years society has deemed that rich families provide young, single maids as part of the bride’s dowry. If the wife was unable to conceive after the marriage, she could preserve her position in the family by getting her maid to bear children on her behalf. Known as a "Concubine" she was supposed to be loyal to the man’s wife and not compete with her for attention or threaten her position. During years of development and through absorbing western weddings, things have obviously changed. Different cities in china have different rituals surrounding the big day, but still, in general, part of the protective function that bridesmaids used to have, remains. Bridesmaids in China are not supposed to be married/divorced or pregnant, and ideally shouldn’t have served as a bridesmaid too many times (this can be a bad luck for her). So “27 Dresses” it won’t be! The physical beauty and number of bridesmaids in a wedding party are often seen as a sign of power and “face” for the families involved in the marriage. But now, the increasing number of scandals breaking on the net about the pressure bridesmaids face and its negative reputation have scared brides away from choosing close friends or relatives to stand by their side on the big day. As a result, business in China is booming for professional bridesmaids! Tough and experienced at handling unwanted embarrassments, and at an affordable price (around US$100) - as surreal as it sounds, it can solve many wedding day problems! Simply look online and hire your own flower-carrying, baijiu-swilling, beautiful bridesmaid! Who cares if on the biggest day of your life, your bridesmaids are ‘fake’ friends. After all, this is China. For more on Chinese weddings... check out these MMM posts: Grab Your Hong Bao: You're Invited to a Wedding in China Wedding Crashers in China … [Read more...]
China’s Genie in a Bottle: It’s Called Baijiu
I tentatively walked into the packed, brightly lit Chinese restaurant. While I'm getting used to being the only Gweilo in the room, this was my first 'local' dinner with part of the Westin team and I was acutely aware I was stepping into unfamiliar territory. Busy, hot and noisy - the restaurant (which doesn't have an English name I can give you) was a nod to former Chinese leader Chairman Mao, boasting walls dressed with large pictures of the man they call the founder of the People's Republic of China. I could immediately sense a buzz of excitement in the air. A city embellished with pretty red lanterns at every turn, there was no mistaking Chinese New Year or as it's more commonly known up north - Spring Festival - China's biggest national holiday, was just around the corner. It was time to celebrate this significant occasion and the impending two week festive spell. I won’t lie, I was intrigued about what lay ahead.…not just for Chinese New Year but I was curious about the cultural differences that would translate over dinner. The hotelier had filled me in on nights like this before. I knew there would be a table laden with enough local fare to spice up a politician's election speech. And I knew there would be Baijiu! If you’ve never heard of it, please - let me enlighten you. Pronounced "Bye Joe," one swig and it's pretty much a "by jove!" affair. Baijiu translated, loosely means 'white wine' but let’s be crystal clear, this is not your average Chardy or Sav Blanc. A strong distilled spirit usually made of sorghum or other grains, this my friends, is hardcore. At 40 - 60 per cent proof alcohol it will surely knock your socks off (if you let it). Called the "Water of History" this elixir stems back thousands of years, some say as many as 7,000 years when generals and warriors waterproofed themselves with a nip of Baijiu before going into battle. These days, go to any restaurant or bar (day or night) in China and there are sure to be a few bottles stowed under the arms of patrons for good measure. You can buy it in restaurants and bars, but BYO is the preferred mode of consumption. Usually, this 'national drink' is served warm or at room temperature in small ceramic bottles and then poured into teeny shot-sized cups. So, on this night, there were four large tables of 'us' and in the middle of each, copious amounts of soft drink and large bottles of beer. I spied a few of the ladies on yoghurt drinks…which I soon found out is the acceptable way to 'line the stomach' in preparation for the looming Baijiu showdown. It's customary (and sensible) to drink Baijiu with food, so as soon as the sizzling and oh so spicy dishes started appearing on the table, the fancy red genie bottle transpired. With the early morning school run on my mind, I was hesitant to unleash the genie! Not a huge beer or coke drinker, I heard James quietly ask if they had Bai Putao Jiu (grape wine) on the menu (aka this western girl's best friend). He was met with a curt shake of the head and an abrupt no (followed by an "are you crazy" look)! This place was loud and lively and no place for sipping a crisp Sav Blanc, relaxing over dinner! So! What's a girl to do? Clearly, this was to be my initiation into the great Chinese thirst quencher, scarily known as "Firewater!" It's also the biggest selling spirit in the world (largely due to China's size and humungous population). It's a clear spirit yet tastes nothing like vodka or tequila and has no resemblance whatsoever to whiskey, rumbo or scotch. Apparently there are four different styles of Baijiu and it's all down to the fragrance - one of which has been classified as a "sauce" fragrance. I'm guessing it's not tomato! Ranging from around US$10 to $1000 a bottle the quality obviously differs and there are many many different brands. 'Baijiu Moutai' is China’s official drink - it's served at state dinners and often given as a luxury gift. It was served to US President Richard Nixon on his 1972 visit to China and to this day remains a staple at Chinese State banquets; in high and low-end restaurants across the country, and in convenience stores on the sides of remote, dusty routes. Known for its distinctive smell and unique taste, some foreigners have labelled it "paint stripper" and a "liquid lobotomy!" I'll admit my palette is not the most discerning, but it was surprisingly better than paint stripper(?) and definitely gives you that immediate warm and fuzzy sensation - which I might add is much needed up north in this winter 'never never land.' So with that in mind, I braved two shots. Before we go any further, you need to know, there's a whole bottle of table etiquette that goes along with this highly valued Chinese tipple. Chinese friends and business partners maintain the importance of drinking Baijiu together is to 'build trust and form a bond.' So that means falling down after one too many swigs is not frowned upon but rather, it commands respect! (Yes, you read that right!) The host is usually the one in the direct line of this 'fire' water. Guests will toast you (often one by one) with a single shot of Baijiu. If your boss or someone senior toasts you, it's considered the height of rudeness to refuse and in China, believe me, causing a person to lose face is not something you want to mess with. When your companion's glass is empty, politely refill it, always pouring your own last. When someone else pours for you, hold your glass up with two hands, one on the bottom of the glass. (Originally, this was a smart ploy to help anyone a little 'under the weather' avoid dropping the glass.) If you think you're too drunk to hold up your glass (even with both hands) just tap your fingers on the table. Easy done. Apparently?! And no one leaves until ALL the Baijiu is gone. Yep! Every single last drop! At dinner, I notice conversation is kept to a minimum and most people spend their time on their feet, filing from one table to the next looking for a "toastee" (more often than not, the target is my slightly nervous husband). Words of prosperity and good health ring out, followed by a few loud Gan Bei or Cam Pai's - the Chinese equivalent of 'cheers'. If this is said to you, don't dally around - it's well mannered to drain your glass in one hit! Did somebody say binge drinking!? Yes you need to toughen up princess 'cause they breed them hardy up north (let's not forget we are not too far from the vodka-swilling nation of Russia). It's nothing to knock back 10 or 15 shots over lunch or dinner. Whispers tell me foreigners have a few tricks up their sleeves to avoid the boozy onslaught, like filling your cup with water or accidentally tossing it over your shoulder as you appear to gulp back your shot; your (by now, tipsy) colleagues none the wiser. Feigning a bad stomach or allergy is also said to be a water-tight excuse. So, forget about three wishes, this is the genie in a bottle that keeps on giving. Although, the next day, you may wish you hadn't unleashed the genie! I'm told the aftermath can be harsh! An age-old tradition that's not disappearing in a puff of smoke anytime soon - at least not here in downtown Xi'an. Aladdin would be proud. This is China. … [Read more...]