I tentatively unlock the door…tiptoeing inside.
It’s past midnight and I’ve just made a two hour round trip weaving speedily through the darkness of town, having taken my parents to the airport on the city’s outskirts.
Another goodbye. This one was hard. (Who am I kidding, they’re always hard. Some are just tinged with a little more heaviness than others.)
I’m confident I’m not alone. At this time of the year, airports are overflowing with people coming and going. (I’ll try not to go all Love Actually on you here!) But you get my drift? As they say, airports can be the happiest and the saddest of places in the world.
Being left behind in a strange country always adds to the weight. It still doesn’t feel like my home and yet here I am – standing in a strange airport, surrounded by unfamiliar voices, virtually meaningless signs and a way of doing things I still find a little confronting…. waving off my loved ones (throwing in a few Chinese words for good measure) like I belong here.
We’ve just spent 25 minutes waiting behind a barricade (like a herd of cattle) guarded by a man wearing a hardhat and toting a gun before we’re allowed to move through to check in. I’m not even sure I’m allowed in to this closed off area but I’m determined to get mum and dad on the plane, safely.
Flying Air Asia along a similar route to the recent fateful flight means there is naturally a hint of anxiety hanging over us. Recent stories of aeroplane doors being randomly opened on China flights not helping the cause.
I shove my hands in my puffer jacket pocket and force myself to grin broadly at mum and dad, as they timidly make their way through to immigration, so they know, I’m ok.
Then with a wave, a last smile, and a tear, they are gone. Just like that.
It takes me back to my first few months in Hong Kong when I’d just had Ava. My family had kindly come over to share the love and the load. After weeks in the intense baby bubble together, they each left one by one …there I was standing left holding a new baby, and a bucket load of tears.
This time the tears are a little more restrained as I walk back to the car with a ‘driver.’
I text my sister. “Safely dispatched through immigration,” I say, knowing she’ll be waiting for them at the other end.
Home …and there on the bench sit the remnants of mum’s red wine, her lipstick marks still on the glass. The ubiquitous letter and card we always leave each other on the table with plenty of ‘Thank you’s’ and ‘I love you to the moon and back.’
The Christmas tree is down and the bare house symbolic of life a little less colourful on all accounts.
It’s been a big couple of weeks for us all….memories have been made, laughs had, presents wrapped and unwrapped, candles blown out, a few tears….some moments more hairy than others; as together we navigated a city that’s both fascinating, challenging and frustrating all at once!
In bed that night I find myself reading through a piece I wrote about finishing high school and what life would hold for me. There’s a distinct note puncturing each sentence – of hope for a life resembling anything but normality. Well, I certainly got that I smile to myself.
Living away from home, it’s a constant pull between home comforts verses adrenalin-fuelled adventures.
The expat life gets you in its grip and makes you feel like you can’t live without it…a limited offer, you can’t miss – it teases!
One day soon, you’ll be back home….no doubt wondering were you ever really there at all…
But for now, it’s one foot in, one foot out…another ‘hello and goodbye’ just around the corner.
As Christmas trees come down across the globe and tinsel is packed away for another year, Santa sacks folded, resolutions made (some already broken), loved ones farewelled; do you feel the energy of a new year ahead or the flatness of a fiesta finished all too soon?
I’m curious, how do you cope saying goodbye to loved ones?
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Great post! We have just recently ( 3months) been on an Expat contract to Taiwan from the United States. I teared up reading your post because my mom is coming for a visit in a few weeks and i am already dreading when she leaves. I look forward to reading mor of your blog.
Laura WOlf recently posted…Stop and Smell the Roses….or build with rocks
Hi Laura, Thanks for your comment. Wow, Taiwan from the US is a big step. I hope you can settle in soon. It always takes time and once you feel settled the goodbyes are a little more bearable. I just had friends come to Xi’an from HK and saying goodbye it took all my strength not to get teary!! Popping over to your blog now. x
Goodbyes are never easy, even for us Brits living in France! My mother still goes to pieces when we leave theirs or they leave us and we have been here ten years. We also get to see each other about five times a year. I don’t think she’d cope with an Air Asia flight separating us!
FrenchVillageJacqui recently posted…It started with a seed and a bit of sunshine
Ha Ha! NO my mum’s not coping with the Air Asia flight either….at least from HK it was one direct flight. Ahh well you make the best of it. 5 times a year sounds great! But I know what you mean, even a couple of hours away is hard enough because you are not just around the corner. Thanks for popping by! Nicole
Oh so true. I hate goodbyes and still blub as much as ever I did age 11 when I had to go to boarding school as my parents moved to Africa. I think that separation does mean that we cram so much more in to a short visit than we would in a year if we lived closer. At least these days we can communicate with loved ones, it makes the separation so much easier.
Ersatz Expat recently posted…Malaysian Weddings – Malay Style
Yes, thank goodness for today’s technology eh! Without What’s App I would be lost. My mum and I text all day every day. x
Goodness I’ve sobbed my way through this post!!!
I am absolutely awful at saying goodbye to family and friends when they visit. I find myself crying at the thought of saying goodbye….often before they even arrive!!!
Having a family abroad with you can make things even more bittersweet….the joy of seeing grandparents with grandchildren but the guilt that they don’t get to see each other anywhere near enough!
This was a wonderful read thank you so much for sharing it with #myexpatfamily hope to see you again next month!!
Seychellesmama recently posted…How I know my son is an island baby!
Thanks for reading! As always, so nice to know others relate to the never-ending expat dilemma! xx
It is always hard saying goodbye, but I think being an expat makes you appreciate your family a little more and really make the time for Skype and FaceTime. Lovely post.
Thanks Jen. Yes, I always think our time spent with family is great quality time, because we appreciate those precious moments so much. Sometimes I think you see ‘more’ of each other in those short periods because you immerse yourself in each other’s lives. (As hard as that can also be.) Thanks for popping over to the blog. Hope to see you again! Nicole
I’m not sure it ever gets easier. We’ve been here for nearly three years now, and I still hate the goodbyes. I think that as an expat you will always feel pulled and disconnected and slightly out of sync, but, there are far more good days than bad. Which I remind myself of regularly! #myexpatfamily
Sara (@mumturnedmom) recently posted…Rewind: how tiny they were
Exactly! Thank goodness for the good days and the thrill of the adventure! We wouldn’t be human if we didn’t ‘feel’ the goodbyes. Thanks for popping over! Cheers, Nicole.
“Living away from home, it’s a constant pull between home comforts verses adrenalin-fuelled adventures.” Totally. We are coming to the end of one adventure and though I know it’s right, and home will be nice for awhile, I feel that tug… I think I always will now.
Liisa recently posted…Health Insurance for Expats in Costa Rica
True! I think once you’ve made the first move, it gets in your blood and you are never quite sure where home is. Enjoy your time back home though…there could be another adventure just around the corner. Thanks for popping over. Nicole