If you’ve ever had to obtain a visa to live in another country, you probably know where I’m coming from when I say, getting a China visa is like navigating an obstacle course!
At every turn, there’s a new unexpected hurdle, to test and torment you (aka as ‘pushing you to the very edge’)!
Alas, we are still waiting for our permanent China visa, which means, five weeks in, we are also still waiting for ALL our ‘belongings’ to be shipped from Hong Kong. (Nothing can leave the fragrant harbour’s shores until the visa is signed, sealed and delivered!)
Did I mention the temperature is steadily dropping, already well below 15 degrees on many days and I packed no winter clothes in my suitcase, not a single, (knitted) stitch to be seen!
No need to shed a tear for me though (ok, maybe just one)….because of course, behind every hazy cloud is a silver lining… and this silver lining, my friends is called ‘retail therapy!’
That of which I was desperately in need of, after my so-called ‘visa medical’ – another requirement before you are allowed to legally stay for this er China ‘experience.’
It was one of those frighteningly frequent days where I had an ‘out of body’ ‘am I really living in China’ moment.
For starters, for me the eternal ‘non-morning’ person, it was 830am, I was up and at ’em – having already been to school in manic traffic and now bumper to bumper, back to front and sideways traffic on my way to a medical — (wearing a sleeveless puffer jacket, no less)!
(For a girl who’s never owned a ‘body warmer’ as such, this was clearly just the warm-up for the extraordinary events that unfolded before me.)
We arrived at Xi’an’s Medical hall!! Yes, it was indeed a ‘hall,’ where it wasn’t long before I wondered if someone had had a quiet word with the driver telling him that hotel life wasn’t for me and perhaps I’d be better suited to a padded cell!
After lining up at the front desk with seemingly a hundred other foreigners, all trying to get the green light to live in this (clearly) charismatic country, a quick smile at the camera balancing precariously on the bench, forms filed and it was time for some serious medical attention! (Sort of.)
(I was waiting for the orange suit to come out and the clippers to shave off my hair.)
My initiation was a hastily carried out blood test (in front of an audience).
Shoved forward and plonked on a chair in the middle of the hall – there were none of the usual niceties from the smiling medical centre nurses, who gently feel for a vein, then politely distract you while they make a quick and mostly pain-free prick!
Oh no! Here I was out in an open space with a man (himself behind glass) who is siphoning blood from his victims by the minute. He wrestled a thin rubber tube around my arm, tying it a little too tightly in a knot – there was no soothing voice, in fact there were no words spoken at all…just a roughly jabbed needle and a matchstick-style cotton bud thrust at me. NEXT!
(I tried to hide my wincing from the onlookers waiting their turn and dared to hope he got my name on the right tube amongst the myriad of bottles splayed out before him)!
A bandaid was not a luxury we were afforded…and we were quickly herded to the next station for an ultra-quick ultrasound.
A rather unfriendly nurse gestured madly at our clothes (I’m sure she was saying ‘hoist it up love’ in Chinese) as one by one, she splattered gel across our torsos and brusquely ran the machine up and down our stomachs, in a matter of seconds.
Done! Get off my bed – Next!
By now I am in complete awe at the absurdity of the situation…. I can hardly contain myself as James is loaded up on to yet another bed and told to lift this, move that, roll down your socks… and electrodes are stuck to all and sundry!
I giggle and snap a few photos and then it is my turn.
They say karma is a b&*ch!
No one had told me to remove my clothes but the nurse is motioning frantically at my top, which I pull up a little to make room for the electrodes, but no, she wants it hiked up, right over my, ahem… girls!!
I’m desperately trying to maintain some sort of modesty here, aware the door is wide open with people shuffling in and out, but it appears next to impossible. The more I attempt to cover myself the harder she yanks.
I am laughing so hard at the site of myself, flat on my back, strapped to the bed covered in electrodes, bazookas out, that tears are running down my face and I almost roll off the bed.
I can tell the no-nonsense nurse is scolding me under her mask! She promptly wrenches my bra up to my neck and points – lie still missy! Of course, all the while, my lovely husband is taking photos – (none of which will see the light of day, I might add)!!
It seems like forever that I am trapped in a state of undress, but at last, my girls and I are released!
I practically stumble to the eye test, which has us haphazardly reading two lines (I am half making it up but it doesn’t seem to matter) and then we are weighed, fully clothed with shoes! (Hopefully I’m measuring up to China’s standards)?!
A blood pressure machine quite unlike any I have seen is our next port of call – an arm is put into a long sleeve-like machine….(that just quietly leaves me pondering the hygiene of such a device — remember we’ve just had blood tests with no bandaids)!
I quickly move on, aware that putting too much thought into this will give me sleepless nights!
Just for the record, I’m sure I’ve never seen a BP recording quite that low!
Then it’s down stairs, I’m told to strip off behind a shabby curtain, so by now, five stations into this medical circuit, I know the drill and I am undressing at breakneck speed, aware it will be jerked open to a crowd of randoms at any given moment….
I’ve been given a “communal” (ironically) orange t-shirt to put on, which I place gingerly over my head, before being rushed into the x-ray room.
The man demonstrates ‘wide arms’ – the signal to hug the chest x-ray machine and behind a big glass window there are a lot of people shouting and giggling through a loud microphone at me. I feel like a rare specimen in a science project.
Thankfully it’s all over within the blink of an eye – so quickly, I wonder how they can get accurate results with previous x-ray experience involving precise positioning and standing ever so still before the exact shot is captured!
We emerge into the daylight, half dressed and disheveled, feeling like we have been through the spin cycle in a washing machine!
Oh how I wait in anticipation for these results.
I’ve heard that many ‘foreigners’ get told they have an ‘abnormal’ nose or a fatty liver and with 99.9 per cent of the population having a positive blood type, a negative blood type can cause a small uproar. I am A-negative!
Let’s hope, after all that palaver, we get the stamp of approval (literally)……I cannot get my girls out again, it’s 11 degrees for goodness sake!
And breathe…….
This is China.
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Oooo gosh that sounds scary! ? It is just my luck that I need to get this done in Xi’an as well! ?. Problem is, I can’t seem to get an atom of information from officials here on that hall ?. I don’t suppose you still the address? (Probably not, this was almost a year ago!). Sincerely hope your stay in Xi’an is going well, despite the *massive* differences!
Hi Jennifer,
Oh you are in for a treat!!;) Let me check re the place. Do you want a phone number? If you’d like you can send an email to me at nicole@mintmochamusings.com — I can get details from the hotel. 🙂 Cheers, Nicole
Woao, I guess SH is a different China, the 2 times I had to do that it was quite organize and not so “public”. Sorry to hear all you went through but at least you husband was there.
Ha Ha… yes it was very public! Sounds like Shanghai is quite different. As they say, every city in China is very different. It’s all part of the adventure though and I can definitely laugh about it. Thanks for reading and leaving a comment. Much appreciated. Cheers, Nicole
Nice one !! The world is doing a 360 degree thanks to China .
Maybe you guys never asked what happened to asian immigrants who came to US/AU etc I guess many were subjected to outright rude treatments back then you will get interesting incidents from them if you ever try to compile those.
The Chinese are not very friendly but they are surely not rude they just lack motivation to do the job and also smile to please u , and there is a reason for that too most of those doctors are trainees from medical universities just doing it as part of their course not getting paid well.
Yes, good point Nik. I can’t imagine what it would be like if the shoe was on the other foot. The Chinese I’ve met here in Xi’an have all been really friendly and very helpful. I totally get there is a lack of motivation for locals….the majority do it pretty tough. Cheers, Nicole
How typical to resentfully bring up the treatment suffered by Asian immigrants in American decades ago. What’s that got to do with anything?
Why do some Chinese immediately have to get defensive as soon as a foreigner writes about a less than excellent experience in China? The writer was trying to be amusing and not offensive, even though forcing a woman to do an exam with her breasts exposed while the door is open is really pretty unprofessional and insensitive behaviour. I am pretty sure that nowadays that would never happen anywhere in the Western World. What happened to Chinese immigrants 80 years in Ellis Island is neither here nor there.
Instead of attacking the messenger, how about you try and make China a better place? There’s lots of work to do….
jixiang recently posted…Five great China expat memoirs
A nicely written article. I remember going for my medical the morning after I arrived in China (Hangzhou) and I was starving so I ate a McDonald’s breakfast so my blood levels were all over the place when they tested me.
Rest of me was perfect at the time.
A few years later, I had another test (In Shenzhen) and had the ‘fatty liver’ issue. My eye sight has improved and I have grown an inch and put on 10kg according to the results.
Ha Ha! That fatty liver issue is pretty common I hear! Good news that you’ve grown though. Hope that happens to me! 😉 Thanks for stopping by… glad you enjoyed it! Cheers, Nicole
I did this whole thing a few months ago for our visas. It is certainly quite the experience. I was glad I’d come prepared and had worn a sports bra and they let me keep it on. 😉
Rachel G recently posted…Missing Milestones
Ha! I am glad to hear you can relate!! Sports bra is a great idea (for next time)!! Ha!Ha! Thanks for popping over. By the way, loved your recent blog, ‘Cultural Faux Pas’ and the green hat experience! Have passed this advice on to my father in law who loves his green hat! Cheers, Nicole
Oh lord, Nicole! My heart’s racing just reading this! I must say I’ve never been through the wringer like this. How awful for you. I’ll cross my fingers and toes that all comes out in the wash!
Ha ha! It was a little hairy Anne! Thankfully it looks like we passed the test!! You have to laugh or you’ll go crazy!! 😉 x