Sex, Bubs and Our Reproductive Role. *News Alert* Sometimes my posts may veer away from travel, expat life, Asia and the like, and accidentally cross over into other things, like say, motherhood. Ah yes, that old chestnut! (I promise they'll still be entertaining.) ;) What’s the time Mr Wolf?  1 o’clock? 2 o’clock….or perhaps it’s Truth o’clock. When your small person starts wanting to know more than Mr Wolf’s time, like ‘Muuumm how are babies made?’ It’s time to start talking, or is it? I must admit I baulked a little when the school announced it was having a 'family night' to talk about the birds and the bees. Yep, the big one. That loaded question where once the answer’s out there, there’s no turning back. Repeat, No. Turning. Back! Of course, it got me thinking, just when is the right time to tell your child about sex? Actual sex and the 'facts of life' - not just some funny story about a stork visiting. My child’s eight, well if you ask her, “Technically eight and three quarters, thank you very much.” But I was pretty sure she hadn’t a clue about how babies were actually made, at least not the nitty gritty. A quick poll on the School Mum’s thread also known as ‘The Village’ and I found out most were going to be sending their offspring to the evening to learn just how they erm, came to be offspring. These talks only come around once every two years, so if she missed it this time, she’d be in Year 5, ten years old by the time she heard the talk, which also seemed a little too late. Perhaps? I also thought, ‘Great if they give the talk, the heats off me!’ What if I got it wrong, or disseminated the information in a completely incompetent way (which is highly likely)? And if she didn’t go, she was bound to hear about it in the playground, right? Did I want that to be her lesson on the birds and the bees? US based Sex Educator Nadine Thornhill says it’s important to focus on being honest. “There’s more risk with not telling them enough than telling them too much,” she says. So, I bit the bullet and signed up, while signalling for hubby to add this one to the calendar. (Oh yeh, don’t think you’re getting out of it that easy, Mister!) It was a Tuesday night when we all took ourselves off to the school hall, where we sat eagerly/awkwardly awaiting the news, with a little bit of nervous giggling - mostly from the parents. Most of the kids looked like they’d rather be anywhere but here, eyes rolling in the back of their heads. The company giving the talk is Interrelate, a not for profit organisation with all sorts of programs ‘designed to nurture and grow happy, healthy humans.’ By Year 3 it’s expected many children will have a keen interest and have formulated some sort of theory. Better Health says school programs are vital to support this process. Developing good sexuality education programs shows that the community takes responsibility for this aspect of children’s growth and development. If families and schools won’t take the subject on, children will turn to other sources of information that may not be reliable, such as friends, the Internet (heaven forbid) or the media. Our particular program was a sixty-minute session aimed specifically at years 3 and 4 called ‘Where did I come from?’ – The session after us was for the bigger kids, ‘Preparing for Puberty’. Our teacher was a fantastic young guy who clearly wasn’t afraid of using the big words. Penis and Vulva were sprayed out into the air like mini fireworks. But he took his time using fabulous, colourful images to gently work towards the clanger, showing us all the necessary body parts to make a baby. I must admit even I learned a thing or two. He talked about everything from our ‘private parts’ being just that and asked our children to turn to the adults with them and discuss five people in their lives they can really trust. He spoke about gender identity, the many different shapes and sizes families come in and IVF. Then everyone got handed brightly coloured laminated cards to hold onto, until they were called up on the stage to read out their card which appropriately went with the cards the adults on stage were hiding behind displaying. Seeing a dad, who’s a good friend holding up the world ‘Vagina,’ while mum proudly held up ‘Scrotum’ was just a little bit humorous (for the adults). If only we were allowed photos. Then came the clincher and I’m quite sure every parent in the room held his or her breath. The projector lit up unveiling a cartoon picture of a mum and dad having sexual intercourse, after a lot of “kissing and cuddling” of course. There were a few gasps, and 'noooo'…from some kids in the room, definitely a few giggles and interestingly plenty of shrugs and ‘so what’. I’m quite sure the penny hasn’t dropped for our little one, yet. She was far more interested in how a baby grows inside a mummy’s tummy. One minute it’s the size of a sultana, then a lime, an avocado and so on… And then they were given the low down on all the ways a baby can come out. I had a caesarean, and even though my small person knew there was another way, it was still an eye opener. I could almost see her mind boggling as she stared up at the big screen. I sat their smiling rather smugly. ‘Yes, honey, we mums are pretty amazing humans on that front, aren’t we!’ It all wrapped up with a big cheer and we’re done. The talk is done. I’m sure there will be many curly questions to follow, once the information has time to percolate, whether that’s next week or next year. Experts say there’s no perfect time to discuss things like ‘Where do I come from’ and ‘What is sex?’ but it’s about how comfortable your family feels talking about these things. Interrelate says, Research shows that if young people are given accurate and reliable information, they are more able to make good choices.  So, even if it doesn’t all sink in yet, as they say, knowledge is power. And I’m off the hook. For now.   … [Read more...]

A record two million people took to Hong Kong’s streets on Sunday to protest Chief Executive Carrie Lam’s controversial extradition bill. The bill, which has now been suspended, would see criminal suspects extradited from Hong Kong to Mainland China to face trial under a Communist legal system.  While it’s now been put on hold and Carrie Lam has 'sincerely apologised for her handling of the situation' it took one in three Hong Kong residents to come out in protest, to make themselves heard. Despite facing tear gas, rubber bullets and batons, Hong Kong people stood shoulder to shoulder, determined to fight for what they believe is their freedom.  Still, despite this mass show of people power which garnered global attention, having lived in both Hong Kong and Mainland China, I can almost guarantee, Mainland Chinese residents barely even batted an eyelid over it. And if they did hear or see anything about the mammoth upset, there's no doubt it would've been through a tinted media lens.  It was September 2014, when I’d just moved from the financial hub of Hong Kong, a city of 7.5 million, to Xi’an, a second-tier city in Mainland China, with a population approaching nine million. But despite similar population numbers, ultimately that's where the similarities ended. The renowned ‘Umbrella Revolution’ or Hong Kong democracy protests had erupted after the Standing Committee of the National People’s Congress of the People’s Republic of China (NPCSC) prescribed selective pre-screening of candidates for the 2017 election of Hong Kong’s Chief Executive. In other words, Hong Kong's new leader would be chosen by a pro Beijing committee, something most Hong Kongers vehemently opposed. Strict censorship rules in Mainland China meant little was broadcast on the nation's media about the mass protests, but living in a western-brand hotel meant, unlike the rest of the country, we had access to western channels, the likes of CNN and BBC. Naturally these media conglomerates were televising news of the protests, like they have this past week, globally.  Yet, the second the symbolic yellow umbrellas flashed up on our TV screen in Xi'an (they were used by protestors shielding themselves against pepper spray), our screen cut to black. At the time, I just assumed it was a power cut. We’d already had a few of those. But it wasn’t, everything else was lit up like a Christmas tree and as soon as the story was over, our television cut back to the regular news being beamed out across the world (and China). The next day, I read a copy of the local newspaper printed in English, which whilst it briefly mentioned the protests, it was in a very different light to the rest of the world. Headlines like ‘Protesters Endanger Hong Kong’s Safety’ and “Yellow Umbrella Movement Not in the People’s Interest” were par for the course. In keeping with tradition, this week the Chinese state-run Xinhua news agency reported the extradition bill was supported by Hong Kong’s “mainstream public opinions.” And on Chinese social media, censors have apparently been working around the clock to delete images of the protests. Having lived in Hong Kong for four years I knew there was division between the 'City that Never Sleeps' and the 1.4 billion Mainlanders -- I learned early on never to call a Hong Kong person 'Chinese'.  To many Hong Kongers, Mainland Chinese are seen as ‘unsophisticated, brash, rude and pushy’ - but on the flip-side Mainlanders, see Hong Kong people as snobby and disrespectful to the Motherland. It took living in the middle of China though to see both sides and that the differences extend far beyond name-calling or the language spoken. (In Hong Kong, the predominant language is Cantonese, while in most of Mainland China, it’s mandarin.)  I quickly learned that the differences went far deeper than the state of healthcare, hygiene or history, than the real estate, education, food, and even the culture in each place. And by no means was either side to blame for these two places being like chalk and cheese. Unlike the Mainland, after 156 years under British rule, Hong Kong has become a careful blend of the East and West. It was handed back to China in 1997, but under the firm promise it would remain One Country, Two Systems. Legally part of China, but a SAR, Special Administrative Region with its own autonomy, economy, rule of law and independent judiciary. Still despite the Motherland taking Hong Kong under her wing, the relationship over the past 22 years has been frosty, with little chance of thawing as Hong Kong residents grapple with the idea of a future under the Motherland’s umbrella. Mainland Chinese have continued to come under fire for everything from coming into the city’s hospitals to have their babies, putting a heavier burden on the city’s medical system, to stockpiling milk powder for their babies after the 2008 melamine scandal. And more recently, lawyers in Hong Kong have claimed fair trials and due process across the soft border are questionable, with people accused of crimes they allegedly didn't commit. In 2014, several Hong Kong booksellers critical of China also infamously disappeared, inexplicably reappearing in custody across the border. Still, wealthy Mainlanders have been a lifeline for Hong Kong’s economy, regularly crossing the border to shop up a storm, even though they still need a special visa to fly directly into the city. But, surprisingly most Chinese locals I spoke with over the two and a half years we lived in Xi’an had never been to Hong Kong and knew very little about the city. Most had no idea of Hong Kong’s hostilities or why, because, to them, like the city of Hong Kong, democracy is also an enigma. Having lived and befriended both sides of the battle, I can tell you, it’s like pitting men from Mars against women from Venus. (We all know how that goes, right?) ;) Currently Hong Kong is scheduled to officially revert to total mainland Chinese control in 2047. As the Motherland continues to try and reconnect with her child, hopefully she can remember, the best thing we can often do for our children is to allow them to do things for themselves.  … [Read more...]