The 30 second television advert begins with a tense family dinner scene. A young woman turns apprehensively towards her mother and says ”Ma Ma…” Her mother cuts in, bangs down her chopsticks and says scathingly (in Mandarin of course) "If you don't bring home a boyfriend next time, then don't call me Mum!” Next minute, there’s a knock at the door and a well-dressed young man appears with a bouquet of flowers. “This is my boyfriend,” the daughter says proudly. Her now beaming parents, whip out their best (Ikea) tableware and home decorations, inviting him in. Let me tell you, today, in much of China, that scene is too not far from the truth, but this latest Ikea advertisement has caused an almighty uproar amongst local netizens. In 2007, the China Women’s Federation, coined the phrase ‘Sheng Nu’ for all Chinese women who were not married by the ripe old age of 27! Yes, 27! Translated, Sheng Nu means ‘Leftover Women.’ That may have only been ten years ago but traditionally China has long made matrimony the final and ultimate goal for a Chinese girl. Even ‘Confucious’ is known to have said, “The woman follows the man! In her youth she follows her father and elder brother; when married, she follows her husband; when her husband is dead, she follows her son.” Marriage is about fulfilling ones duty and having societal stability rather than love. The ‘one child policy’ introduced in the early 80’s saw families favouring sons over daughters meaning an astronomical number of abortions and female babies abandoned. Today that means there’s a dire shortage of women when it comes to pairing up in matrimonial heaven. Currently there are 117 boys for every 100 girls. Men outnumber women by 33.66 million. But while ultimately men are the ones having more difficulty finding a match, women still face heavy pressure from family and society. So much so, many are resorting to renting ‘fake' boyfriends to take back to their home villages, during the annual Chinese New Year holiday. A lot of young Chinese I’ve spoken with, say, despite being highly educated with thriving careers, the pressure from mum and dad is very real. Older generations still feel they need to ‘save face’ in their immediate communities and if their daughter, turns up unmarried without children, it’s terribly embarrassing. “A parent is always on standby to sacrifice everything for their children.” a friend in her fifties says. It’s widely accepted they will be the one’s looking after the grandchildren while their children work and in return their child/ren will look after them in old age. A lot of parents are even taking matters into their own hands, fronting up, weekly to ‘marriage markets’ with their children’s statistics on a piece of paper. Height, gender, education, job, and property ownership! “My mother keeps calling me and reminding me I only have a couple more years to find someone,” comments a weary 25-year-old friend. Another married friend, Monica, says, “Almost all Sheng Nu are really good students in school; they don’t have the time to go outside with friends or meet people. Their parents introduce them to potential husbands, but when they meet, they struggle to communicate ..they just know how to study. It’s a big problem.” Men though aren’t escaping the wrath of unsatisfied parents. “My mother told me I must get married and it’s her duty to see that I do.” says 28 year old Leo. “I argue with her that the choice is mine, why is it your duty?” “She says, she’ll lose face, all my friends say, why don’t you plan a marriage for your son?" She says, When I’m with friends who have grandchildren, I feel bad and embarrassed and walk away.” Leo says, “She is transferring her pressure onto me.” I ask one friend if it’s weird to her, that I got married so late at 37, mainly because I’ll never forget those first few visits to the hair salon in Xi’an, when they all looked at me like I was from Mars, especially when I told them how old I was when I tied the knot! "And you think your 'Sheng Nu' have got problems!" :lol: Encouragingly though, many of China’s young educated women I talk to are pushing back against the leftover stereotype and waiting until they find love, regardless of their parents expectations. Hence why Ikea’s latest ad hit a sore spot. Lu Tiao from the hair salon says, “I want a soul mate with a modern day approach who will support my career.” There’s even a new Chinese term that means ‘Naked Marriage’ - getting married purely for love without a house, ring, ceremony or car. Still - in a culture where many are still clinging onto the Chinese family idea of having many generations under one roof, it’s a tough one to get their head around. Ikea’s been forced to withdraw the ad and issue a nation wide apology, admitting it got it’s normally intrepid research, terribly wrong. This is China. … [Read more...]
The Lord of the Rings! My Journey to China…And Back. (Podcast)
When Michael from Global From Asia wanted to chat to me for his show, how could I possibly refuse? An American who's kicking butt in Shenzhen, married to a Chinese lady, together they are giving others the knowledge and tools to take their business from Asia and make it 'global!' Pop over to his website to listen to the podcast. It's about 35 minutes and we chat about everything from culture shock to finding friends in China and learning how to navigate the Middle Earth that is China. So grab a coffee or stick those head phones in and carry on, carrying on. https://www.globalfromasia.com/to-china-and-back/ … [Read more...]
Moving Overseas? Tips for Helping Your Child Adjust.
Living overseas, as an expat, usually means your children will be exposed to some magnificent wonders of the world. Not only will they be immersed in different cultures, witness unusual customs and fascinating traditions, they'll meet and learn about people from all walks of life. But moving isn't always smooth sailing. Just like us adults, it takes time to adjust and feel at ease with your new surroundings. Having moved from Hong Kong, to the middle of China and back to Sydney with our small person, here are a few handy tips when it comes to moving countries/cities with your children. Let’s face it, parenting is hard enough at the best of times….but when you add a new environment into the mix, a different language and culture, it can be tough to keep everyone on the happy bus! #TheRightTime In all reality, there's never a "right" time. Each age brings its own challenges. People will say it's much better to move them while they're still little. And while there are definitely positives for this as far as their ability to go with the flow and adapt more quickly, it doesn't mean they won't struggle. Of course, the younger a child is, the easier it is to learn a new language, if they're immersed. Older children can be more resistant to a move away, not wanting to leave friends and of course their education needs to be taken seriously. At the same time, being older means they'll potentially gain much more from the experience and remember it. Every child is unique and only you can help decide when you think it's a good time. Often you may not have a choice, so don't sweat it....each age has its pros and cons. #Farewell If it's possible, have a farewell party/get together that makes saying goodbye special and memorable. Experts say acknowledging what's about to happen, sadness and all, can help little ones start to process the move. Reassure them it’s perfectly ok (and normal) to miss someone, at the same time keep talking about the exciting things that are going to come with living in a new country. Don't over promise and under deliver. It’s important to 'close the chapter' properly. I was never more thankful for the teacher's quick thinking, when the last day of term was suddenly brought forward by an entire week, due to severe pollution in China and she sent someone out to buy a cake, to farewell Ava in style. It meant the world to her (and mum who was silently in meltdown mode). At the same, time be sure to let them know it’s not forever, it’s just "see you later!" Help them to keep in touch with their good friends. Thankfully, today, technology means they don’t have to seem a world away. Send voice messages on Whats App, or even have a Skype or FaceTime session. My little girl and her bestie in China recently skyped for an hour and a half and after some initial awkwardness, ended up playing together, like they were in the same room! Pack lots of memories. Photo books are a great idea for them to look back on and keep memories alive. Involve your children in the move as much as possible! #Routine As soon as you arrive in your new country, no matter how small it is, start a routine of some description. Even if it’s just breakfast and walking to the local shop. Even though it’s no doubt tough for you as a mum or dad trying to hold it all together and adjust to this new life, it’s vital to keep a close eye on your child’s needs. Together, try to learn as much about your new country as possible. The more you feel settled, the more likely your kids will too. Check out my post here: Through the Eyes of My Expat Child: Lessons Learned. Experts don’t recommend returning to the place you’ve come from too soon. Allow at least half a year before going back to help them transition more smoothly. #Prized Possessions Don’t pack all of these in the shipping, keep those things that are special to them around to make them more comfortable during this crucial phase. When Ava moved from Hong Kong to China, for about a year, she took a particular doll everywhere with her. It became a case of “Where’s Wally!” #School Options Depending on how permanent your move is, it may be easier to find a school with a similar curriculum to the one back home. If not, the International Baccalaureate (IB) system is taught in many countries, so it's a great option. If you can, act early so you can get into the school of your choice. Depending on the country, there can be huge waiting lists or specific zones you'll need to live in, to be accepted. Sometimes it’s difficult to know which school year they should be in in a foreign country. Get some advice early on, but if the outcome is different to what you envisaged, play it by ear, you can always change them later, if necessary. If you can choose a school that's not too far from your home, it certainly makes life easier, as far as getting to and from school and having their friends around for play dates and catch ups. Living in the hotel in China, meant we were a good 30 to 45 minutes drive from Ava's school, which definitely made things harder and sometimes isolating. #Be a Present Parent Try to be there when they first start their new school, before and after - to talk through the day and all of the new things they’re experiencing. If they are somewhere where the language is not familiar, help them with extra tutoring. Set up play dates with new friends, if they’re keen to have one. Don’t force the issue if they’re older and not interested yet. You can’t choose you children’s friends (as much as sometimes we’d like to). ;) Try to go to school assemblies and important events in those early days so your child sees a familiar face in the crowd. There will probably be days when your child doesn't want to go to his/her new school and is pining for their old world. Talk with their new teacher and let him or her know the situation, so they can keep an extra eye out for your small person. #Communicate If your child is struggling, (psychologists say it can feel like a death to a child who is separated from their friends and/or family) communication is critical. Acknowledge their feelings and listen to their frustrations. Create a stable network and help them feel understood, validated and loved. Culture shock is real, so navigate this new country together. If you're repatriating home, that can be just as unsettling, especially if your child hasn't lived in your home country before. Don't expect them to settle back in smoothly just because it's home for you. Everything around them will probably feel quite alien. Remember every child is different and will experience the transition with different coping abilities and strategies. Good luck, everything will fall into place, eventually. … [Read more...]
The Paris of the Pacific: Is New Caledonia Worth Visiting?
If you’re expecting cobbled-stoned lane ways, an abundance of outdoor cafes where you perch on chairs squeezed together around a minuscule table, just big enough to fit your mini espresso and pain au chocolat, whilst you gaze longingly at an exquisite monument that whispers a thousand tales -- then no, New Caledonia is nothing like Paris. But it is French! Oui Oui! While it was actually discovered by Captain Cook in 1774, in 1853, under the orders of Napoleon the 3rd, the French took control and Noumea was founded as Port-de-France. Trivial fact #1: It became a penal colony until around the late 1800’s with about 22,000 criminals and political prisoners sent here. Trivial Fact #2: In 1849, the crew of the American ship Cutter was killed and eaten by the Pouma clan. Cannibilism was apparently widespread! I digress….. An archipelago, Nouvelle Caledonie is a cluster of islands in the Pacific Ocean and just a very short 2.5 hour flight from Australia (3 hours from New Zealand). So if you’re in this part of the world, it definitely can’t be overlooked as a super easy getaway destination. If you’re not, it’s still a gorgeous part of the globe to visit. Today, its community is largely made up of Melanesians and Europeans. French is spoken everywhere, even in the most secluded villages. (Great if you want to improve that school yard French). If only I could stop saying 'Xie Xie'. Small Person and I were piggybacking on the hotelier’s work trip (as you do), so he met us in Noumea and drove us north to our first stop: The Sheraton Deva located in Bourail! He’d just come back from il de Pins, or Isle of Pines, which is a 20 minute flight from Noumea and a popular tourist’s choice which he tells me lives up to the idyllic hype. New Caledonia is 18,000 sq kilometres, so it’s pretty sizeable and we had a three hour drive north to our destination. Most of it was through the countryside, passing through the occasional small French town. Just between you and me, the hotelier (who drives like he’s still in China) in a hire car, on the wrong side of the car, and wrong side of the road was a little precarious! We may have mounted a curb and arrived with a flat tyre! Nonetheless, we arrived, in tact. ;-) Surprisingly dry, arid and mountainous, the Sheraton Deva backs onto these spectacular ruddy peaks and is flanked by a sparkling, turquoise ocean..... And breathe. It’s also in the middle of nowhere, so is the perfect place to unwind and just let yourself be. But don't despair if you can't lie around the pool for longer than three cocktails. The resort has tonnes of activities plus a world class ‘magnifique’ golf course (if that’s your thing). I was more at home grabbing one of the bikes they keep outside your bungalow and cycling around the resort, mostly in the direction of the spa! There’s also a fully equipped kid’s club…(bonus) snorkelling, scuba diving, kayaking, a glass bottom boat tour… and to my child’s delight (until she found out you need to be at least ten), horse riding! After four nights, it was time to head back to Noumea for destination number 2. If you’re craving more action, this is the place to be. A city about the size of Cairns in Australia, it’s not too dissimilar in appearance. To me, it didn’t feel as French as I’d hoped, but then I was benchmarking it against Paris. The hotelier tells me it reminds him of holidays as a kid in southern France. Home to a stunning harbour, Noumea serves as the chief port for New Caledonia, so there are boats of every shape and size bobbing about, not to mention a couple of ocean cruise liners docked! Le Meridien is right on the beach and while it’s technically in the city, it’s definitely got that resort feel and has a more tropical ambience compared to it’s northern sister. It is the middle of winter, but temps were still pretty warm. The pool was slightly on the icy side, but that didn’t stop small person from jumping right in, again, and again! There are plenty of restaurants outside the hotel. And of course the food on the island is pretty delicious, especially my favourite indulgence, Le Fromage! After consuming my body weight in French cheese and French wine, and then this....chocolate fondant, it was definitely time to hit the gym. Noumea also has a casino if you want to lay your chips down, plenty of museums and a few markets. While this island of norfolk pines and palms is by no means a cheap holiday destination (like, for instance, Bali, where you can eat outside the hotels for a mere pittance) it definitely makes up for it in appeal and sophistication. So, if time isn't on your side and you just want to escape the daily grind for some R & R with or without the kids, this tropical oasis is totally worth a trip with a difference. This is New Caledonia. … [Read more...]
Life After China: Six Months in, the Reality of Returning Home!
Suddenly out of nowhere, it hits me! Ah hello, I’ve been waiting for you. Wondering when you’d make an appearance and rain on my homecoming parade. And here you are, almost like clockwork, six months to the day that we landed, back, on Australian soil. I can’t quite pinpoint the feeling. Is it a black cloud? A hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach? Whatever it is, I hope it’s fleeting, because black clouds aren’t my thing! Experts say it’s often those who’ve adjusted most successfully overseas, who have the most difficulty returning home. Is that us, I quietly wonder? That night, the hotelier hits the nail on the head, when he arrives home to our “normal” household in the ‘burbs. Small Person’s watching ABC Kids and I’m cleaning up(!), after a fairly uneventful day. He tells me he’s thinking about our next trip away. Away from normality, I think, because maybe we just don’t know how to deal with that anymore? This time last year we were clambering up the side of a mountain in Tibet, desperately trying to breathe, after all. Despite the frequency of trips to far flung places that often come with expat life (because, hello, everything’s much cheaper) believe it or not, we have been craving that thing called ‘normality’ for a long time, but now it’s here, do we even like it? In China, everything about life was difficult, unusual, or just plain strange. Deep breaths were the order of the day and a damn good sense of humour was non-negotiable, if you wanted to survive. Sounds alluring, I know! But life ran on a constant shot of adrenalin and we all know how addictive that can be. In a foreign country, normal day to day things like, work, the school run, sports days, even shopping - is carried out with tinted glasses, probably not rose-coloured, but there’s definitely an exotic aura. Even if you don’t always enjoy it, (actually it’s highly possible you’re hating it), you’re doing something out of the ordinary and that’s oddly comforting and yes, slightly addictive. Until now, moving back home has occupied our every being! Things like buying cars, sorting schools, different work projects and buying our very own house to nest in - fluffing it like a peacock parades his feathers - has all been part of the great repatriation reality... and novelty! But suddenly the joy of cleaning my own castle is peaking… I need to learn how to cook again and ironing is back on the agenda. (Anyone for midday champers?) I'm wondering if I need to get a proper job and this whole reinventing yourself thing takes effort and time.....(just write that bloody book, Nicole.) Whilst the freedom of driving is still fresh, the songs I was excited to bop along to and finally learn the lyrics of are wearing a little thin. There’s only so much Miley Cyrus “Next to yoouuu in Malibuuu” you can listen to, right? And while I'm keen to hear how "We do it, down in Puerto Rico!" I get the gist. Sitting in front of the TV with old faithfuls like ‘A Current Affair’ and ‘Home and Away’ feels equally as jarring (read: did we ever leave?) as it is comforting, when you’ve been living with 55 channels in another language. It’s kind of soothing to see you again Alf Stewart and I do like catching up with the local news every night, but admittedly it’s been quite nice living in denial. ;) Yes, one might call that 'avoiding reality!' (There's a lot to be said for it.) I still forget to turn the car lights on at night; And the distinct lack of people trawling the streets, at all hours….perplexes me (probably just as well if my lights are off), as does the nation seemingly finishing the day at dusk. Straya??! And Mondays for that matter? Do we just close up shop? And as much as I know, I complained endlessly about the squat toilets in China’s public areas (they are pretty disgusting), I think I’ve become quite partial to the ceramic ‘hole in the ground.’ It’s actually a lot easier than trying to hover over a “normal” western toilet! Who says old habits die hard! Oh and I’ve discovered my phone phobia is real. Yes, please don’t try to call me. Living overseas, I realise it’s been allowed to fester because very rarely people would or could call me….and if they did, I’d have no idea what they were saying and have to (conveniently) hang up. Here, every Tom, Dick and Harry wants to call, for a “chat!” A chat??! Just text me. Still….. running on adrenalin, constantly, can be exhausting, physically and mentally…which makes the ease I can live life with Down Under, a definite reason to exhale. That blue sky that stretches out forever like a luminous, glass rooftop still gets me, every single time; the fresh, crisp air and sheer ability to speak English at all times, makes just about everything effortless (despite those phone calls). The five minute school walk and the cushioning of a community is reassuring, even if it is a very different kind of community. My old community was a bunch of expats from around the world forever contemplating their next move and weighing up the pros and cons of raising children as global citizens. Here, it’s about which high school to send them to (in five years time, I might add)! Really? So soon! When our new Chinese tutor comes over, I can sense the excitement we all get, even the hotelier when he yells out ‘Zai Jian’ (goodbye) as she leaves and tries to get out his few Chinese words he spent years mastering. Just like old times, I giggle to myself. And it seems it’s not only us humans that need to adjust to a new life… pets do too. My friends have just repatriated to America, with their ‘Chinese’ Golden Retriever, Penny. Poor old Penny is having to learn how to ‘dog’ in America. Suddenly she is surrounded by space and huge fields of fresh green grass to run in. There are lots of other dogs just like her and she can even go swimming with them…. In America, it’s a dog’s life! But for Penny, it’s daunting and overwhelming… she just can’t figure out why everyone is being so nice to her and wants to pat, play…..and chat!! Me neither, Penny! I’ve heard on the grapevine, returning home brings a definite fear of forgetting your overseas experience. Does returning to your old life mean the expat one never happened? I hope not. No one said it would be easy…but it sure was nice being able to wind the car window down this morning without fear of choking on pollution! Perhaps I just need to get my adrenalin rush in other ways. Bungee jumping anyone? Six months in, this is repatriation. … [Read more...]
- « Previous Page
- 1
- …
- 3
- 4
- 5
- 6
- 7
- …
- 37
- Next Page »