If you've ever had to obtain a visa to live in another country, you probably know where I'm coming from when I say, getting a China visa is like navigating an obstacle course! At every turn, there's a new unexpected hurdle, to test and torment you (aka as 'pushing you to the very edge')! Alas, we are still waiting for our permanent China visa, which means, five weeks in, we are also still waiting for ALL our 'belongings' to be shipped from Hong Kong. (Nothing can leave the fragrant harbour's shores until the visa is signed, sealed and delivered!) Did I mention the temperature is steadily dropping, already well below 15 degrees on many days and I packed no winter clothes in my suitcase, not a single, (knitted) stitch to be seen! No need to shed a tear for me though (ok, maybe just one)….because of course, behind every hazy cloud is a silver lining… and this silver lining, my friends is called 'retail therapy!' That of which I was desperately in need of, after my so-called 'visa medical' - another requirement before you are allowed to legally stay for this er China 'experience.' It was one of those frighteningly frequent days where I had an 'out of body' 'am I really living in China' moment. For starters, for me the eternal 'non-morning' person, it was 830am, I was up and at 'em - having already been to school in manic traffic and now bumper to bumper, back to front and sideways traffic on my way to a medical -- (wearing a sleeveless puffer jacket, no less)! (For a girl who's never owned a 'body warmer' as such, this was clearly just the warm-up for the extraordinary events that unfolded before me.) We arrived at Xi'an's Medical hall!! Yes, it was indeed a 'hall,' where it wasn't long before I wondered if someone had had a quiet word with the driver telling him that hotel life wasn't for me and perhaps I'd be better suited to a padded cell! After lining up at the front desk with seemingly a hundred other foreigners, all trying to get the green light to live in this (clearly) charismatic country, a quick smile at the camera balancing precariously on the bench, forms filed and it was time for some serious medical attention! (Sort of.) (I was waiting for the orange suit to come out and the clippers to shave off my hair.) My initiation was a hastily carried out blood test (in front of an audience). Shoved forward and plonked on a chair in the middle of the hall - there were none of the usual niceties from the smiling medical centre nurses, who gently feel for a vein, then politely distract you while they make a quick and mostly pain-free prick! Oh no! Here I was out in an open space with a man (himself behind glass) who is siphoning blood from his victims by the minute. He wrestled a thin rubber tube around my arm, tying it a little too tightly in a knot - there was no soothing voice, in fact there were no words spoken at all…just a roughly jabbed needle and a matchstick-style cotton bud thrust at me. NEXT! (I tried to hide my wincing from the onlookers waiting their turn and dared to hope he got my name on the right tube amongst the myriad of bottles splayed out before him)! A bandaid was not a luxury we were afforded…and we were quickly herded to the next station for an ultra-quick ultrasound. A rather unfriendly nurse gestured madly at our clothes (I'm sure she was saying 'hoist it up love' in Chinese) as one by one, she splattered gel across our torsos and brusquely ran the machine up and down our stomachs, in a matter of seconds. Done! Get off my bed - Next! By now I am in complete awe at the absurdity of the situation…. I can hardly contain myself as James is loaded up on to yet another bed and told to lift this, move that, roll down your socks... and electrodes are stuck to all and sundry! I giggle and snap a few photos and then it is my turn. They say karma is a b&*ch! No one had told me to remove my clothes but the nurse is motioning frantically at my top, which I pull up a little to make room for the electrodes, but no, she wants it hiked up, right over my, ahem... girls!! I'm desperately trying to maintain some sort of modesty here, aware the door is wide open with people shuffling in and out, but it appears next to impossible. The more I attempt to cover myself the harder she yanks. I am laughing so hard at the site of myself, flat on my back, strapped to the bed covered in electrodes, bazookas out, that tears are running down my face and I almost roll off the bed. I can tell the no-nonsense nurse is scolding me under her mask! She promptly wrenches my bra up to my neck and points - lie still missy! Of course, all the while, my lovely husband is taking photos - (none of which will see the light of day, I might add)!! It seems like forever that I am trapped in a state of undress, but at last, my girls and I are released! I practically stumble to the eye test, which has us haphazardly reading two lines (I am half making it up but it doesn't seem to matter) and then we are weighed, fully clothed with shoes! (Hopefully I'm measuring up to China's standards)?! A blood pressure machine quite unlike any I have seen is our next port of call - an arm is put into a long sleeve-like machine….(that just quietly leaves me pondering the hygiene of such a device -- remember we've just had blood tests with no bandaids)! I quickly move on, aware that putting too much thought into this will give me sleepless nights! Just for the record, I'm sure I've never seen a BP recording quite that low! Then it's down stairs, I'm told to strip off behind a shabby curtain, so by now, five stations into this medical circuit, I know the drill and I am undressing at breakneck speed, aware it will be jerked open to a crowd of randoms at any given moment…. I've been given a "communal" (ironically) orange t-shirt to put on, which I place gingerly over my head, before being rushed into the x-ray room. The man demonstrates 'wide arms' - the signal to hug the chest x-ray machine and behind a big glass window there are a lot of people shouting and giggling through a loud microphone at me. I feel like a rare specimen in a science project. Thankfully it's all over within the blink of an eye - so quickly, I wonder how they can get accurate results with previous x-ray experience involving precise positioning and standing ever so still before the exact shot is captured! We emerge into the daylight, half dressed and disheveled, feeling like we have been through the spin cycle in a washing machine! Oh how I wait in anticipation for these results. I've heard that many 'foreigners' get told they have an 'abnormal' nose or a fatty liver and with 99.9 per cent of the population having a positive blood type, a negative blood type can cause a small uproar. I am A-negative! Let's hope, after all that palaver, we get the stamp of approval (literally)…...I cannot get my girls out again, it's 11 degrees for goodness sake! And breathe……. This is China. … [Read more...]
China – Two Steps Forward, Three Steps Backwards.
We all have those days don't we, where everything we attempt to do is just plain difficult! The Gods are not smiling on us…..we usually just put it down to one of those days….and hopefully, move on. Tomorrow is after all, another day! At the moment as we try to settle into a new country, namely big bad China - those days, typically tend to be more frequent than not. (Don't mention the power cuts!!) The hotelier, Miss A and I have at times felt like we are living out a scene from the Griswolds… (If you don't know the term....the movie National Lampoon's Vacation is aptly a comedy series about the misadventures of the Griswold family, whose, quote: "attempts to enjoy vacations and holidays are plagued with continual disasters and strangely ridiculous predicaments.") Say no more! In a nutshell, everything we attempted required an almighty dollop of patience with a splash of humour on top! "I'll have a Sprite thanks. Actually make that two lemonades for us." Waitress returns ten minutes later, "So do you want one Sprite and one lemonade?" "Isn't that the same thing?" "No it's not." And breathe….. Clearly our confronting and extremely inconvenient lack of Chinese is mostly to blame for the shenanigans that ensue, but there's also a cultural divide that means ways of doing things aren't necessarily aligned amongst all parties. (Note how I say that in the politest way possible!) To top it off, Internet is intermittent at the best of times. VPN's drop in and out….phone service is patchy…with plans seemingly chewing through data at a rate of knots. Banking can be a painstaking affair in any country, but here in China, we managed to find ourselves both credit card-less and cashless for a (thankfully) brief period of time. Our Hong Kong credit cards it seems are not geared to work online (something about 'activation' is eventually revealed) and banks back in our home countries have gone into lockdown mode, blocking our cards after suspected suspicious activity in a foreign land. While I appreciate their quick action - attempting to book a flight online for the 15th time (what? of course I'm not trying to escape!) with dodgy internet and cards that are stalled at every turn, can turn even the most patient man I know into a frazzled, bug eyed cot case!! For a few days our eft-pos cards refuse to work in the ATM's and it's difficult to decipher the problem laid out before us in Chinese… and well… getting a Chinese bank account, of course, is no simple task for a foreigner. Obviously the lap top the hotelier uses for his day job is not happy with so much frenzied activity because it has a meltdown and promptly packs it in. Of course getting it fixed is like asking asking for the winning lotto ticket numbers, as is getting a straight answer! With the hotelier diligently downstairs working, I get a phone call in the hotel room - a man we can call 'MR I.T' says he is here to fix the laptop. I reply that Mr Walkden is working in his office. "No he's not, the door is closed," he says. Me: Ahhh OK, well I guess he could be anywhere in the hotel, I'm sorry I don't know. The dialogue continues something like this. Mr I.T: Can I come back later to fix the laptop? (Brief experience tells me if I let him go now, we may never lay eyes on him again) Me: Can you call him to see where he might be right now? Mr I.T: No. Me: Okaaaay, Where are you? Mr I.T: Outside room 5306. Me: (half dressed) realize Mr I.T is at my front door. Hastily throw on some clothes and greet him, reiterate, no the laptop isn't here and nor is Mr Walkden. Would you like me to call him? Mr I.T: OK. I call the hotelier…who's conveniently just up the hallway, in the executive club having a meeting and tells me to send him that way. Mr I.T nods enthusiastically in agreement….but apparently he doesn't make it there for several hours!? Lap top is eventually fixed that evening, but by the time the hotelier boards a plane the next day, it is no longer operating. And breathe….. So all the while I am negotiating with Mr I.T, we are told the hotelier's visa is ready and he must fly to Hong Kong asap! We also discover we need passport photos for everyone, pronto! Not an easy task it seems. We find out nowhere in Xi'an is able to specifically take this kind of photo, bar some photo booths on the other side of town in the underground train station. (While China is home to the globe's biggest 'new travellers' - in reality, only a small portion of the 1.3 billion population actually holds a passport.) So we are advised we must get to a photographer's studio at once! We meet downstairs and are bundled into hotel car and driven five minutes to a slightly ramshackle area and dropped off at a shopfront door, literally. (Actually, I think we are on the footpath.) Picturing the site of us three 'Gweilos' entering, has me chuckling to myself. We enter the nondescript shop where a lady sits at a computer, with a few aptly framed photos on display. She babbles to us in Chinese and when she realizes we can't speak her lingo, promptly turns around and goes back to work on the computer. (Pesky Gweilos, I know!!) I try a few lame words in Chinese like 'now' and 'photo'? but for some reason whenever I am in a 'situation,' the Chinese I have supposedly learnt, eludes me. I am blank!? Please explain!! Again she replies in Chinese and turns away, ignoring us. The hotelier decides it's time to use the 'bat phone' to call for help. Tina - our 'ever patient personal translator' is on the line and speaks with the lady on the computer and it all seems clear. She will take our photos but she doesn't know what size passport photos are, so this is going to take some organizing. So we hang up and wait….and wait….. and wait. Nothing is happening. Time is ticking.....people are starting to stare through the glass at us and some are taking photos! We call our ever 'patient personal translator' again and this time we get the green light! She's ready to do the photos! We are shuffled into a studio. James goes first and is told (we think) to do his jacket up and straighten his collar (these are clearly not just any old passport photos). She pulls at her ear and I think she's telling me to listen, but eventually work out she wants my earrings off. It's a bit like playing charades, we stifle our giggles. Ava's turn and for the 'ever posing show pony,' sitting still without cracking a smile is proving difficult. The lady is faffing abut with Ava's hair until she's satisfied and gesturing madly at her to keep her hands by sides (this is not a modeling shoot young lady)! Finally, we are done. We pay about US$20 and are whisked out of the shop into our waiting car. I feel like Brangelina again (clearly minus her looks and money...oh and the six kids)! I am then off to the hair dresser where I decide, as well as getting a blow dry I will be doubly brave today and ask to get my nails done. I have practiced the word for 'doing nails'….so they seem to get my gist -- but immediately start to wrap tinfoil around each finger. I know this is the way to remove a certain type of gel (you ladies will know it as 'soft' gel) but alas I have 'hard' gel and never the twain shall meet! I know that it is not going budge with some mere tinfoil, so I try explaining it's hard gel, I even use my trusty chinese app, but appear to be failing miserably. Time to call Tina our 'ever patient personal translator' again - she explains and again it all seems clear, they know it's hard gel but this will certainly work. Ok, you're the boss, I think, so I sit back and relax….a few minutes later the foil is off but the gel nail is not. Hmmm dilemma, now I can see they are really confused… there's a lot of spirited chatter back and forth. All I can do is smile meekly. She attempts to scrape it off and so I make the noise for machine….bzzzzzz…..but they look at me like I am slightly crazy. I point to the nail file and she attempts to file it off. It takes a looong time, but it sort of works. I am sure they are stumped with the weird 'white' lady with her 'white' hair and ironically strange 'white' nails….Who is she and why does she keep coming back!! But they bring me two tiny apple-like looking fruit to try (I later find out are called Nai, or Crab Apples), so I figure maybe they aren't too annoyed with me. Meantime, my new found hairdresser has been learning English and is like an excited puppy dog, sitting next to me while my nails are finished. We both decide in our broken English/Mandarin this relationship could work! I teach him, he teaches me. I decide to really push the boat out and test the waters to see if he can 'colour' my hair. My slightly er darker/grey roots are showing through and it's not going to be pretty. He seems to understand eventually and shows me his colour chart with two types of blonde. Just two. Not a lot of choice but perhaps that's a good thing. I learn the word for foils and show him pictures on Pinterest. Here's where it gets tricky as I want to explain that I don't want my hair too gold, so I find the word for 'gold' and say 'not want' in my best chinese, so he thinks I want 'white' but I say no. I search for the words, caramel and beige but these are lost on him. If I say ash, I will surely get grey hair. Xi'an is greying my hair by the minute so ash colour won't be necessary. He proudly shows me a picture of the only white woman's hair he has colored and says she likes red. Does she ever. It is the brightest, boldest fire engine red I've ever seen! He tells me again he is the best hairdresser in Xian after all, and says "just let me try." But to me that alarmingly sounds like a toddler asking to "just let me try pouring the milk on my cereal." We all know how that ends! I remain noncommittal and decide to do a poll on Facebook that night. Enthusiastic hairdresser and I connect on We Chat (the What's App/Facebook equivalent) and I leave with some 'Zai Jians' and see you next week - it's been an intense maintenance session…I'm not really sure what just happened, but it was reasonably successful, I have my hair done and my nails look reasonable enough for public display. Two steps forward, ten steps backwards. This is China! And breathe....... Proud to share this one over at Seychelle Mama's for My Expat Family. … [Read more...]
Week Three: So this is China…
So, it's almost three weeks into this "journey" and I've had some time to exhale and gradually ease myself into life in China. Ahhhh 'Life in China' -- even saying it out loud feels like a strange out of body experience. Me? In China?! How did that happen? I'm rediscovering that adjusting to a new city is by no means a quick process. For me, it's about slowly ticking the boxes, finding a routine of some description and getting used to the surroundings. In Xi'an, our immediate surroundings are by no means alien; a plush 5-Star hotel, leafy green streets, trendy cafes, bars and big shopping centres….all seemingly normal things, found in many parts of the world, right? But it's the little things that jolt you back into reality. Did somebody say NO chocolate?! 'Toto we're not in Kansas anymore.' (Care packages welcome.) Yes, the little things...for a start, cars are driving on the wrong side of the road! Now, that I can cope with…but they are also driving all over the road, not to mention on the footpath! (Yes, you can imagine the less robust pathways are in a constant state of repair.) There are no rules, or so it seems! If there are, they are of the unspoken variety. It's perfectly ok to cut across four lanes of traffic without so much as a flick of the indicator, or heaven forbid even the slightest pressure on the break. Drivers obliviously weave in and out from one lane to the next, all the while incessantly beeping (which in itself is enough to cause a small migraine, let alone the narrow misses and heart failing site of cars coming directly at you)! It's fair to say the one road rule that does apply, is 'whoever's biggest gets right of way,' and that includes pedestrians. You know those little green pedestrian lights - usually people or signs that say 'walk' or 'cross'? -- they differ in every country but generally it's universal for 'you may cross safely, cars will stop.' But not here. Here, you take your life in your own hands. Bikes, cars, trucks, busses and tuk tuks - will just keep on coming without slowing down (not even a little). In fact if you're in the way, you're likely to get a rather filthy look and a shake of the head. Miss A is learning relatively fast to proceed with caution in any public space! (Explaining to a small person why the cars don't stop when they should is a little challenging.) To add to the rather hairy situation, motorcyclists don't wear crash helmets, like ever. And it's a mode of transport that more often than not applies the "kid sandwich" theory. Dad on the front, mum on the back and junior in the middle…or juniors! I am impressed though, with their nifty raincoats and umbrellas attached like mini tents for those wet and wild days. Speaking of the weather, there's the little fact that the sky is more often than not a hazy shade of grey. Of course having lived in Hong Kong for four years, I am used to 50 shades, but here the pollution, brings a slightly more consistent shade to the mix. Having teased my British husband for being the eternal weather optimist for years (Him: "I can see a small patch of blue sky in the far, far east…there, can't you see it??!" Me: "NO, it's raining!") I now find myself desperately throwing open the blinds each morning, looking up and searching, squinting, scanning the sky, for a more favourable shade of blue-grey. To Xi'an's credit, we have had some beautiful summer days I must admit, to keep me sane. (Whistles tune "Always look on the bright side of life.....") What the weather lacks in colour, the city's architecture certainly makes up for. Oriental and ornate, rooftops are classically Chinese traditional styles and Xi'an is not short on stunning monuments, to gaze at in admiration. The city is vibrantly lit up with red lanterns and there is a genuine love affair with giant LED screens. For the most part there are no English signs, that's zero, zilch! Unless the retailers are going for the quirky "look I have hip English store name" that doesn't make a whole lot of sense - (but of course that's not the point). What these shopping centres may lack in Gweilo-friendly fare, they certainly make up for in kid friendly fun! There are more 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory' style 'fun centres' than any parent could dare to hope for. (For the record, I have discovered Zara, H & M and Starbucks, so I am essentially able to survive, despite the distinct lack of good chocolate and Mint Mochas!) Fun centres and chocolate aside, there is however, the small problem of bathroom visits, which with a three year old, come far more often than I'd like and naturally at the most inopportune moments. I'm used to hightailing it to the nearest loo, but even when you make it in time, the challenge is not over. The ever present 'squat toilets' occupy most shopping centres and public places. (Note to self and anyone visiting: never leave home sans tissues.) Squatting is clearly an art one must master and one I'm not all that keen on getting the hang of... but, I fear we have little choice round these parts. Good for the thighs they say! Anywhere in a public space, the level of staring is at best intense….I am now empathizing with Brangelina as I walk the streets, acutely aware there are pairs of curious eyes everywhere giving us the once over. (Who needs Hollywood!) The number of photos taken/asked for is slightly overwhelming…. Mostly they want a piece of mini blondie and it usually evolves like a scene from The Bodyguard - me at close range, sizing up the crowds for any sneaky phones pointing in our direction and fending off over excited locals who can't help themselves from reaching out to pinch Ava's white chubby cheeks or twirl that long golden hair. Anyone requesting photos is told to ask the celebrity herself and if she says no, then the red carpet is unfortunately not rolled out. Then there are the children who are literally thrown at Ava, their parents desperate to hear little Johnny or Jill rattle of his or her newly learned English. Say "Hello!!" they implore (the poor child often anything but keen to drape her arms around a child she's never laid eyes on). The parents unwilling to lose this photo opportunity, smile through clenched teeth, refusing to leave the scene until child cooperates and much wanted picture is captured. And all this, just on our way to coffee! Thankfully they are generally friendly and (provided we're not in a hurry) we can manage the paparazzi - but I can't help but notice the tiny toddler fact that many of them are wearing pants with the bottoms cut out! (FYI - that's toddlers not parents.) Ah yes, you might guess what comes next…apparently it makes for easy toilet access….. I can't quite grasp the concept but it appears to be a popular one. I guess there's nothing to say but, bottoms up! After all...This is China. … [Read more...]
When the Lights Go Out: Hotel Confessions
It was late afternoon and little Miss A and I were sitting in the hotel lobby bar having a spot of afternoon tea. (What's a girl(s) to do in a new city!) Ava was doing her best to entertain the staff….regaling them with tales about dad liking beer, mum speaking Chinese (I do?) and did you know I wore a purple wedding dress when I got married! (I did?) I was cringing a little at what might be revealed next, but just quietly, enjoying the peace -- when 'boom' the lights went off. Nothing too serious, we initially thought. Nothing to bat an eyelid over…naturally there was a bit of commotion, some surveying of the damage. Was it just in the bar or the was the entire hotel without power? Wait, we think it's the whole area! I casually queried whether this was a normal occurrence? There is apparently a government request for businesses and homes to reduce their power usage between 4 and 6pm but the staff were confident this wasn't the problem. In perfect timing, Ava needed the toilets, which of course happened to be in pitch black, so we called it a day on our fancy cakes and went upstairs to our room. By now the sun was setting and dusk meant it was getting rather dark. The hotel known for its vivid red glow was gradually becoming a shadowy figure of its former self. Given the small fact that candles pose an insurance liability in a hotel, I decided we had no choice but to head to the (conveniently located on our floor) 'executive club'. After all, what's a girl(s) to do in a power outage? A glass of red for me and apple juice for junior, that's what! Emergency lights kept things (like my wine glass and the all important fairy wings) manageable…...meantime, a frantic hotelier I know was in and out trying to ascertain the problem through various muddled translations from Chinese to English with his number two and the powers that be… (no pun intended). Generators were hastily arranged for and negotiations(?) on price underway. Meantime, irate customers paying through the nose, were clearly getting hot under the collar at the lack of five star facilities, naturally oblivious to the fact this 'unexplained event' seemed to be in no one's control. 10pm and still no one is any the wiser on why the power cut has occurred....(at least no one is taking ownership). For the frantic hotelier, answers are lost in translation and things are getting chaotic with the generators still no where to be seen. When they finally do appear, it seems they have come with the wrong bolts to connect these thick, rope-like cables that are now splayed out across the bowels of the hotel. (The hotelier's aware one wrong connection and it could go more than a little haywire!!) I can feel his blood pressure rising by the minute…… as he bids us goodnight to survey the scene - us tucked up in bed clutching our torches. I wake every half hour, the air now stifled with no air-conditioning, no clock or phone to tell the time….and still, no hotelier. He tells me later, there are frustrated guests lining up at reception in what is now the middle of the night ready to report the injustice of such an atrocity on social media the next day….then there's the drunk woman who's planted herself precariously on a chair in the lobby, too intoxicated to find her room. An Australian is checking in at 130am - behaving far more reasonable than most (go Aussies!) as he's told of the current dire situation. "Sorry Sir, this is not Fawlty Towers, yet." A few restless hours later, voila - it's 4am on the newly-lit clock and the entire room lights up, hell the door bell even rings, the air conditioning starts whirring….and we are back in business, my small person none the wiser. Phew. The hotelier arrives minutes later…. exhausted and still unclear as to what has just occurred in the last 12 hours. But for now the hotel is charged up! A few hours later, it's a new day, he's up and off to see the Power Bureau. Apparently a show of authority will ensure more efficient 'handling' of the problem at hand. We wait…. Mid afternoon and a damaged cable is found 120 metres from the hotel and things are hopeful of being resolved (provided the hotel agrees to fork out the cost of fixing the wayward cable) but not in any hurry... and certainly not soon enough for the enraged client who's holding a swanky corporate party in the sunken garden that evening, boasting enough lights to sink a battleship (or possibly a hotel)?! Who really knows….... The generators pump furiously through the day and night to keep the hotel in action but the luke warm water and intermittent power shortages are not enough to keep hotel guests from blowing off steam at any moment. The pollution in Xi'an is not the great at the best of times and now fumes from the generators are wafting through the atrium, guests now complaining they are suffocating. I think the hotelier is greying by the second. Another night and between 4am and 7am the power switches on and off several times, each time it does, the door bell rings. I'm starting to think maybe I really am in Fawlty Towers. After all, this is China. Basilllll!!! … [Read more...]
Wedding Crashers in China
So, our first weekend living on the mainland, somehow we inadvertently became wedding crashers! (As you do!) It was Sunday after all and following a mammoth Saturday exploring Xi'an, we decided the "Beach BBQ" under fairy lights sounded rather inviting for us newbies in town. After a lazy morning, we high-tailed it out to one of Xi'an's 'other' premier hotels where the "beach" BBQ takes place each week. 45 minutes later after some rather manic, bumper to bumper traffic, where the road rules are harder to decipher than Chinese characters (er, what road rules?) we arrived (in tact) at our destination. Ok - so our man-made beach was a little on the disappointing side….but coming from Australia, really who was I kidding! In my mind I was (naively) hoping for this... But what we got - in the middle of China - (of course!!) was this… Not to be discouraged, we settled ourselves back on one of the wooden 'beach' chairs and felt the.... ah... sand between our toes... to watch the evening unfold; meanwhile Ava wasted no time in familiarizing herself with this ever so conveniently located pirate-ship playground! In no time she had a flock of local kids (and adults) around her, apparently keen to adopt her as their English tutor for the day (the adults more so than the kids I have to say)! They no doubt thought they'd hit the jackpot stumbling across this blonde pocket-rocket who's favorite hobby is talking! I'm sure I could hear her revealing our family secrets - (just as well their English wasn't at the advanced stages). It was about now we noticed the big 'faux' beach truck on the gritty fake sand being loaded with pretty pink balloons, and each chair with one pink balloon strategically 'stuck' to the back of it. A rose archway magically appeared, the brightly colored pirate playground making a unique backdrop, along with a couple of blinding spot lights beaming in on the wooden tables with their blue plastic tablecloths and crockery steins bearing serviettes and chopsticks. The BBQ buffet we'd come for was coming to life, so we thought we'd better get ourselves off the beach (as enticing as it was) for a spot closer to the food action. We propped ourselves where we could still see Ava bouncing on the seesaw (or coming face-first down the slide) with her new friends - by now mostly bigger boys about eight or nine, whom she had no qualms about bossing around! The crowd started swelling as the wedding guests arrived for this auspicious occasion. First things first, this was clearly a low key affair. It was mostly a jeans and t-shirt dress code with the odd, sparkly head band and diamante shoes - that came to life under the spotlights. (Pretty much like the city of Xi'an itself, I'm discovering!) So we watched on with amusement as everyone casually took their seats as if it was just another Sunday barbie, which in all reality, it was. By now, we started realizing we might be a little too close for comfort to the wedding party…. but apparently, according to the hotel staff - this was perfectly fine and normal! The regular diners carried on chewing their beef skewers under the stars (slightly obscured by the polluted hazy sky) blissfully unaware of the nuptials taking place. Sooner rather than later, the bride and groom appeared in all their spectacular glory, the bride looking every bit as glamorous as you might expect a bride to be, in her silk white gown and tiara -- dashing groom at her side. I'm choosing to think these two hadn't met at one of China's “Marriage Markets” whereby parents desperate for their daughter to marry put out an ad including their age, height and salary! I wasn't sure what was about to take place but assumed the proper ceremony must have taken place earlier for things to be 'oh so relaxed.' Alas this was not the case, a 'man with a mike' appeared on the beach party bus, looking like he might like to roar off into the Hawaiian sunset at any moment. Rattling off his well rehearsed speech (in mandarin of course), the bride and groom made their way down the "aisle" to a ballad of classical Chinese tunes. It was about now everyone clambered around 'our' table to get a good view of the action! I tried in earnest to hear a word here and there… but managed little more than 'I do' - clearly the exchange of rings helping my cause! Confetti poppers erupted and cheers broke out. I'm sure this is where they said "I now pronounce you man and wife" and I found myself clapping along and snapping photos! What?! Ava's new bestie "Fiona" was the flower girl and when her duty required letting off one of the confetti canisters, Ava was most disappointed she couldn't join the bridal party! Not to be outdone, as the happy couple made their way back to the dining area, I turned around to see her tagging along in line with the bride and flower girl, much to the giggles of several onlookers! According to Chinese custom, professional photographs are taken before the wedding ceremony, so it was time for the newlyweds to let their hair down! It was 'Campai' all round (also known as toasting)! The bride and groom stopping at each table, their steins raised in celebration (did I mention it was a German-themed BBQ)? I wouldn't have been at all surprised if they stopped by our table on their rounds. As I gingerly approached the buffet, I found myself ever so conspicuously in line with the wedding guests. Attempting to work out if the beef on metal skewers being sprayed with hot spices would blow my head off, I really was hoping the ground might just open up and swallow me. Ava, on the other hand, clearly not afraid to made her mark - snagging herself a party favour of chocolates, courtesy of the bride and groom; while I found myself watching the couple's happy moments on the big screen to the tune of Bruno Mars "Just the way you are!' Low and behold a shot of Sydney's Opera House flashed up, showing the loved up couple on Sydney Harbour. Ahhhhh.... way to make a girl feel homesick on a fake beach in north west China, eh! Ironically, rule #7 in the movie, Wedding Crashers was "Blend in by standing out" Well, maybe....just maybe.... we did! PS...it would seem the locals really aren't too fussed about who the guests are at their weddings! We just got an 'official' invite to a wedding next week from someone my husband has only spoken to twice. Oh, and he's been asked to give a speech. I think Ava and I will definitely be crashing that! … [Read more...]
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